The old adage goes that a film gets made three times:
once when its written, once when its shot, and once when its edited. Is it just me or does this sound an awful lot
like those ridiculous high school group projects where inevitably someone comes
up with an idea, everyone else screws around all class, and then the one guy
who cares about his grade comes in and fixes everything to be made presentable
and respected?
Brownnoser
Editing is an incredibly
complicated and hugely important part of the film making process. For the three people in world who don’t know
how films are made, numerous shots are filmed and then the editor puts it all
together to look great. That iconic
shower scene in Psycho was an amalgamation of various takes just to get Janet
Leigh’s eye absolutely perfect, and then it was edited down to the taunt thrilling
sequence that we all know and love.
Anytime you hear someone say the phrase, “We’ll fix that in post,”
they’re talking about the legacy of editing (or you’re on the set of Glee).
And even though editing has brought plenty to the table
in the world of film, I can’t help but feel that its taking a little away as
well. To be specific, editing is falsifying the already fictional world of
movies and perpetrating a fraud on the American people! Just to be clear, I’m
not knocking Lightstorm Entertainment for creating Pandora out of matte paintings
and CGI, that’s special effects being used to create an artificial environment
and further the plot (and make James Cameron even bigger crap-loads of
money). No, my beef lies more with the
editing process continuing to screw with that last delicate fabric of trust the
American moviegoer still has left in their heart.
So here they are, The Five Ways Film Editing Lies To You:
1) YOUR PUNCHES WILL SOUND
LIKE ATOM BOMBS
Somewhere along the line, it was decided that real
punching noises were a little too mundane for most audiences and instead of the
normal sound of a fist hitting a face, we needed a sound effect that would
shake the earth. I would have loved to
have been in that first meeting when the studio heads decided to start
ratcheting movie punches up the Richter Scale, and that one old timer saw the
dailies and thought, “what the hell is that noise every time these guys smack
each other?“ Some movies don’t even use
elaborated fist noises at all and are throwing all kinds of things into the mix
to inject this sound with more and more energy.
In fact, when they filmed Raiders of the Lost Ark, the Foley artists
would strike a pile of leather jackets with a baseball bat to simulate Indiana
Jones’ punches.
“When I crack my knuckles, people flee.”
The problem is that when thousands of unsuspecting
viewers see this on film, it can be misleading when they start equating epic
avalanche noises with a right cross instead of the dull quiet smack a proper
punch makes (Herein lies my theory on why boxing is losing it’s popularity in
almost every demographic. I’m just
saying, if every time Pacquiao hit someone my speakers blew from raw
awesomeness, there would be no UFC) Not
only that, but this audacious fallacy of truth creates a gigantic hole in many
viewers’ childhoods. Suppose they get up
the courage to haul back and roundhouse their older brother and it
unfortunately sounds a lot more like dropping an apple onto a pillow and a lot
less like the third trumpet of the Apocalypse that they had pinned their hopes
to? That not only shatters their
unfounded trust in the world of film, but usually leads to a substantial beat
down. What’s worse is that the Indiana
Jones films aren’t the only culprits here, in fact they’re hardly the worst
offenders. The top prize in this
category easily goes to the mythical land of boxing films and the odyssey of
Rocky Balboa (not counting Rocky 5, which I’m convinced was some sort of
propaganda sent from an evil alien race trying to vanquish the human spirit) is
probably the biggest bomb-punch offender out there. In fact, in the finale of the third film, the
trumpet blasts of the musical score are timed to coincide with Rocky’s punches
as he chops down the evil that is Clubber Lane.
Musical Beat Down
I suppose that it is worth nothing that some recent films
are trying to correct this trend by presenting fisticuffs in a more realistic
way, most notably recent fighting sports movies (The Fighter and Warrior) or
movies centered around gritty realism (Fight Club). However, even with these examples, the over
done punch is still one of editing’s favorite lies.
2) YOU CAN SEE ANYTHING IF
YOU SQUINT HARD ENOUGH
It’s a movie staple to have that one scene in the film in
which a character is completely out of luck, time, hope, whatever; and they
look up and see that one thing that saves the day, illuminates the mystery,
makes the hot chick fall in love, and so on.
This scene has been in done over and over again in movies for the last
sixty years, and trust me when I say that it isn’t going anywhere any time
soon. And I’m okay with that. I have no problem with this scene used as a
plot device, as it is effective in building tension and almost always makes the
payoff in the final act that much better.
I mean, can you imagine how bad The Usual Suspects would be if after
Kevin Spacey finishes his story, Chazz Palminteri sees the “Quartet” sign on
the bulletin board only to turn around and laughingly say, “That’s a good one
Keyser, but seriously we’ve known who you are the whole time.”
Buhwhaaaat??
My issue with this scene is that sometimes when it is
used to facilitate this plot device, the character is suddenly required to
develop super-human vision just by squinting at whatever the hell the writer
has them interested in. Less than thirty
minutes into Carlito’s Way (working title: It‘s Not Scarface, We Swear!),
Pacino is able to thwart an ambush during a botched drug deal by seeing the
upcoming attack in another gangster’s mirrored sunglasses. Even with De Palma setting the scene with his
usual pacing and grandeur, its still a little difficult to believe. I’m just saying, give that one a try
sometime; have your friend slap on a pair of Ray-Bans and look at you, and then
see if you can recognize a freaking stop sign in the background let alone a
gangland assassination attempt. If you
have no friends, and by definition no Ray-Bans, then try it in your studio
apartment with a recently rinsed off spoon.
Pretty hard, right? And that’s with knowing what you’re looking
for. However, because the plot requires
this from our lead character, he suddenly has hawk-like vision for those ten
seconds.
My point is that the human eye simply doesn’t work that
fast or that well, but in order to hold the audience’s hand and walk them
through the film, the editing has to use a series of close ups to show what the
character is going through. And once
again, when tried in the real world, this technique of squeezing your eyelids
ever so slightly together in order to acquire super-human vision just doesn’t
hold up. It’s also a little
frustrating to realize every time I was
inconvenienced by not being able to read the overpass signs on a freeway, that
if only the story called for it and the editing was good enough, I would have
been able to see the electrons flying around the atoms that make up my steering
wheel.
3) ANYONE CAN BE ANYTHING, AT
ANY TIME
I’ll never forget the first time I saw Forgetting Sarah
Marshall and that moment arrived when Mila Kunis brushes off Jason Segel’s
attempt to buy the next round saying, “You don’t need to dote on me, I’m not
that kind of girl.” All I could do was
stare at the screen thinking, “Holy Crap, she is so… FICTITIOUS!!”
Unobtainium
Every girl likes to be doted on! In fact, every human likes to be doted
on. Think back to the last time someone
did something nice for you, just because you’re a good person or they are your
friend (and if you can’t participate in this exercise, then you need to quit
reading this article and get your life together). You don’t think, “Well, thanks but I really
didn’t ask for this.” You think, “Wow!
Sure I’m over thirty years old and writing silly internet articles, but you
brought me a slushy? Well, its just coming up me today!”
But this is merely a plot device for a fictional
character to behave in a fictional way in order to move the story along. That’s simply the writer and actors doing
their jobs, and rightfully using their tradecraft in proper ways. What I’m referring to is when editing is used
to make someone into something completely different than what they truly are.
When Matt Damon wowed the world as an angst ridden genius named Will Hunting,
everyone wondered if perhaps the film was a tad bit autobiographical, seeing
how Damon and his character were the same age, had the same background, and
behaved in probably similar ways. However, when he was cast as an amnesiac
killing machine in the Bourne Identity, no one honestly thought that Damon
could become a one man wrecking crew, simply because that’s not how we had seen
him before. However, add in a little
fast editing and that one guy jumping out of the window to kill himself before
being questioned, and suddenly everyone is leaving the theater talking about
what a badass Matt Damon has become. And
sure, he trained for the film and probably gleaned some knowledge about how to
move as a fighter in order to make the action look plausible. But he didn’t walk off the set after the wrap
party and immediately let his bodyguards go because they were no longer
necessary.
“I’ll take it from here, boys!”
The extremely fast editing in
that film is what sells you on the concept that Damon could take on seven
embassy marines and dispatch all of them in quick succession (that and the
irrefutable movie logic that if you’re in a group fight and you strike any
opponent on any part of their body, they are then vanquished and must spend the
rest of the fight either unconscious or in agony). The reason that this fallacy is a problem is
that poor unsuspecting moviegoers are allowing themselves to get drawn into
altercations with way too many opponents, usually on playgrounds, believing
that if they move fast enough in their minds’ eye then they’ll triumph over the
odds. Emergency room reports indicate
that this is simply not the case.
4) YOU CAN USE A MONTAGE IN
REAL TIME
A montage is a perfectly acceptable film tool used to
gloss over a period of time in order to condense a drawn out process into a two
hour movie. Mostly notably, it is a
staple of almost every sports film used to illustrate the protagonist’s
improvement, or in a heist film where it is used to show the team getting ready
to pull off the big score. However, it
has been known to sneak into other genres as well, usually just to progress the
timeline and get the characters to the point of the story they need to be at,
as in The Breakfast Club. As a lover of
action films, I’m all for a good montage, as long as its done correctly. For instance, the aforementioned Rocky films
have one montage written into every script as a mandatory part of those films’
winning formula.
It ain’t broke, so we ain’t fixin’ it!
As any fan of the Eighties
knows, a montage works if the improvement is believable and the music is
awesome (actually only that second one has to be true). We take it as a movie truth that with the
right soundtrack, anyone can improve at anything and we don’t have to spend the
months watching them do it. However
there is a new “montage” that is making its way into films that is a whole new
animal, and quite frankly I don‘t care for it.
These new montage sequences are being shown in a variety of ways that
make no sense and are interwoven with characters doing things in real
time. Case in point, in The Departed,
there is a scene where Madolyn is jolted when she checks the mail and finds a
letter to her boyfriend from her lover Billy Costigan. In a fit of indecision, she wonders what to
do. Suddenly the film cuts to a series
of quick cuts which I submit constitute a shower montage right in the middle of
the scene. She’s looking at the envelope
and suddenly her boyfriend shucks his clothes, get the water hot, jumps into
the shower, and slams back the curtain. Right away she knows she has the time
to commit a federal offense and open his mail to find out how big the wages of
her sin have become. The problem with
this scene is that the whole time he’s getting into the shower, she’s just
standing there looking at the envelope.
When’s the last time you ever saw someone other than a professional
athlete shuck their clothes and be under the water in less than ten seconds? That process could take up to fifteen to
twenty minutes in most households and even longer in some cases. Think I’m just
splitting hairs? Time your spouse or roommate next time they’re headed to the
shower and you have to pee; you’re talking a half hour before they’re good and
under the water before you can get in there and provide your bladder sweet
relief.
And she just drank a liter of cola.
Other films are guilty of
this misuse of montages as well. One of
Shawn of the Dead’s running gags is that Shawn is so distracted by his mundane
life that he misses an entire zombie outbreak; and lo and behold as the days go
by, his morning routine dwindles into a twenty second mini montage that shows
him doing the same things over and over again.
Yet every time he comes down stairs the same news broadcast is playing
from when he woke up. How long is that anchor talking, forty-five minutes? I’m sorry, I’m pretty quick to get ready in
the morning (Honestly, there‘s not a lot of improvement to be done here), but
even I need a half hour or so to go from dead sleep to facing the day. In the interest of full disclosure, if I’m
waking up after a major holiday, or pretty much any Saturday, well then I’ll
need four hours and three technicians just to get me into a sitting position.
5) YOU’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING
Every horror and suspense movie out there relies on the
“jump out and shock you” scene. Studies
show that it is exactly this adrenaline rush that makes these movies so popular
and that the whole reason that studios keep churning out sequel after sequel of
a one note film is that it can make you jump out of your seat. Ask any horror buff why they love the films
that they do and the answer will always lie in the “it was so intense” area,
because quite frankly aside from some good one-liners or gratuitous nudity,
these films just don’t have time for anything else.
Character Development or Gratuitous Nudity…
We’re Not Really Sure
But the staple of all of
these films is one of the most illogical of all suspensions of disbelief; that
you’ll never be able to see the killer coming, even if they’re standing right
next to you. Time after time these films
will put the victim in a dimly lit space and they will be shocked as hell when
someone the size of Paul Bunyan moves out of the shadows. Want
to know how I know this is bogus? Next
time you’re at the grocery store (lets be honest, the Walmart/Target “produce”
section) just see how little time it takes you to notice that an annoying
stranger is getting a little too close to your personal space. “Wait just a minute,” you exclaim thinking
you‘ve got me cornered, “but they’re not creeping along stealthily, trying to
sneak up on me and hack me to pieces!” Well, some of them are, but that’s
another article; but just to test your theory, go try it in a library where the
first rule of business is to keep quiet for the sake of others. Even better, be in an indoor office building
when the lights go out and I guarantee that you’ll still sense the moment Billy
the Intern is merging into your comfort zone without using his blinker. And I’m not even mentioning the fact that
99% of all horror movie victims completely lack peripheral vision or any
olfactory senses (damn, I just mentioned it).
But horror films aren’t the only ones perpetrating this
fraud. Many films are using this kind of
editing to pull off sight gags or to make the protagonist look all that more
badass. In The Dark Knight Rises, when
Batman gives Blake a bomb to throw at the rubble, it makes a paltry little bang
and does nothing to achieve the goal of creating an opening. Just as Blake
turns to him and makes a quip about needing something more powerful, Batman
comes around the corner in The Bat (yeah, that’s what its called) and in midair
blows the rubble sky high. You’re
telling me that Blake couldn’t hear a vehicle with two rotary propellers and a
jet engine hovering system warming up while he was chucking his little bomb?
“Please ignore my hovering tank exhaust.”
Not with the power of
editing, my friends. A vehicle that was
built specifically for urban warfare and riot control (it makes a crap-ton of
noise) can be cleverly silent on film until its noise is needed thanks to the
guys in the editing booth. The reason I’m so against this one fallacy is
because with movies going to such great lengths to interject realism at every
turn, and with every director that is giving a DVD interview expounding on how
they painstakingly researched how a certain prop would interact with a certain
environment, it seems to me a little ridiculous how willing everyone is to just
say, “Yeah, he probably would have heard that thing from a good mile away, but
we’ll fix it in post.”
For SpoilerAlert Podcast,
thanks for stopping by.
-Brandon
