Man of Steel in Kyle's Eyes

In a follow up to last week's Superman Podcast, Kyle saw Zack Snyder's new Man of Steel. Check out his thoughts below and make sure to give the podcast a listen. If you haven't seen it yet beware of SPOILERS:

I don’t know if I can truthfully call myself a Superman super-fan. I mean, I probably know more about the character than most people reading this, but I also probably know more about Dirty Rotten Scoundrels than them too. Or The Color Purple. Or Die Hard (unless you’re Brandon). So while I’ve read up on the movies, caught a few episodes of the late 90’s cartoon, and have flipped through a handful of comics, I’m far from the authority on the subject of Krypton’s last son.

I say that to say this: I saw Man of Steel yesterday, and for reasons that I’m having trouble putting into words, I didn’t enjoy it. This isn’t to say that it’s a terrible movie. To me, Zack Snyder’s latest incarnation of the granddaddy of all superheroes was a perfectly serviceable big budget sci-fi movie. It had all the marks of this new, Michael Bay-inspired genre--destructive alien invasions, stern military officers shouting commands, and entire cities lain to waste. The only thing missing, unfortunately, was Superman.

Before I get too deep into this, I need to step back and organize my thoughts a little. I have no intention of turning this article into a sampler from the comments section of a Youtube video. Everything about this movie wasn’t bad and I didn’t hate it, so I’ll try my best to weigh the good with the aspects that didn’t work for me, others, and humanity in general. See there I go…focus Kyle. There’s plenty in Man of Steel for the casual viewer and Superman aficionado to leave the theater smiling about. Take for example…

The Score

I’d say the biggest highlight of the 2006 Bryan Singer movie, Superman Returns, was the reliance on John William’s original Superman theme. As a piece of music it starts out epic and expertly builds to inspiring (there may be a tad bit of bias here), but when coupled with the visuals of Christopher Reeve saving humanity it perfectly frames the scale and grandeur of Superman. For the latest incarnation on screen, they wisely chose to not recycle this 34-year-old piece of music again. If it’s time for a rebirth of the character, we need to stop relying on the old franchise tent poles and begin creating a new zeitgeist for the modern Superman.

As long as we keep the time he seduced female Spider-man.

I think Hans Zimmer effectively did that with his new theme. While it’s not something I found myself humming in the car on the ride home, it does serve to build a heroic background and lend emphasis to inspiring moments in the film. Aside from the times when Man of Steel allows itself to take a breath and quietly focus on the character, the main theme (that you’ve heard in the trailers) is the only time I felt Superman on screen. But let’s talk a little more about…

The Rare Moments of Calm

Zack Snyder, David Goyer, and Christopher Nolan have created a believable, inspiring version of Ma and Pa Kent and solely placed the movie's heart on their shoulders. In what can be described as a pretty cold preceding, the scenes where Clark and especially Jonathan Kent ponder what it is to be an outsider and burdened with the powers of a god feel like moments where the writer understood what it is that makes Superman so interesting. It’s a terrific performance by Kevin Costner that makes you wonder how a hero should act and what his real responsibilities are. It's a shame the rest of the movie doesn't lead up to these notions of heroics.

It’s not only Costner than stands out, though. I enjoyed the entire cast, from Henry Cavill to Michael Shannon to Amy Adams. The script gives motivation to Lois Lane (other than plucky reporter) and that's I’ve felt past installments have been lacking. Shannon’s General Zod is also surprisingly effective as a villain who has more layers than just deciding whether he should spit or snarl.

Can't I do both?

With the things I enjoyed, though, what was the worry that began tugging at my authentic red cape 30 minutes into the proceedings and, by the end, was repeatedly violently yanking me to the ground? I said earlier that Man of Steel felt like more like an alien invasion spectacle than legitimate Superman film, but what exactly does that even mean? It’s something that I’ve spent the last 24 hours trying to put into words with little effect, but I’ll give it a run here. I guess I should start with my general distaste for…

Giant Alien Destruction Action Porn

Listen folks, I’m not saying that a cherub-faced 14-year-old Kyle didn’t cream his Dungarees over the wanton destruction in Independence Day or that the carnage of Twister: The Ride at Universal Studios isn’t a great way to spend the afternoon, but the level of chaos in MoS was a little much for me to take. I don’t mean that large scale action should be absent from a movie about a flying Hercules who can shoot lasers from his eyes, but even with the use of action you have to stay true to a character and real-world parameters you have established in your movie--whatever they may be. What I mean by that is this: if you’ve created a cartoon world where larger than life characters lay waste to entire zip codes, that’s one thing, but if a director has firmly established his movie is set in as close to a real world as possible, there need to be appropriate reactions and consequences to what’s happening on screen.

Answer me this, at any point during the multiple, large-scale fight sequences (other than the VERY end) did you feel like Superman cared about human beings? If you’re answer was, “yes, he betrayed his species for them, dummy,” then sit down, David Goyer. That’s not what I’m talking about. What I mean is, by the end of the film half of Metropolis is a giant crater in the ground with the dust of what can only be assumed are millions of people floating in the air around Superman as he goes in for a victory kiss from Lois. These are the people Supes decided to betray his home world for and act as their savior but he seems to have no interest in actually helping them. During the entire fight I kept thinking, wow, they are just plowing through occupied buildings. Sure, the giant ship created a lot of damage to the city, but the amount of destruction during the fist fight with Zod was enough to send at least another couple thousand souls to their maker.

Thanks for saving us, Superman!

The initial fight in Smallville is no different. Superman opts to throw down in the middle of Main Street, telling a few passersby to “get inside” and “lock their doors”. You know a good way to ensure these people’s safety? Fly to one of the many corn fields outside of town where the only collateral damage would be a few scarecrows and farmer Johnson’s spring crop. For all of the script’s belaboring the fact that Kal El was sent to Earth to save its people, he seems to have little concern for their well-being.

If you think I’m being overly critical here and want me to blow it off as just a movie, that’s my problem. In the effort to create a feast for the eyes of fire, falling buildings, and IHOP product placement they took the character traits of Superman out of the film. I was one of this first to complain that Superman Returns lacked a formidable villain or actual convincing action to pit the MoS against, but it wasn’t until walking out of the theater unfulfilled yesterday that I realized what they HAD gotten right. Superman helps people, above all else. This is a character that, when Metropolis is falling apart in Superman Returns, spends his time fighting fires, rescuing citizen from falling glass and concrete, and making sure individual people are safe—not just humanity as a whole. Any hero can save humanity, that’s what makes them a hero. Superman has the power and responsibility to do more than that. The final battle should have seen an exhausted Kal pushed to his limits as he struggled to rescue every last citizen of Metropolis while doing everything he could to thwart the attack from above. Instead, Superman spends half of the climax “somewhere in the Indian Ocean” battling ball bearings and blue light while Metropolis fends for itself. Speaking of the attack from above…

Maybe the Villains were TOO Formidable

I know that beggars can’t be choosers and we should all just shut up and be happy Superman was fighting more than Lex Luthor, Kryptonite, and real estate schemes, but as our hero is pitted against multiple baddies from his home planet, I wondered if maybe this wasn’t a better plot for a second or third outing. Trust me, there’s more to this than me just wanting to whine and I’ll try and refrain from any more bitching about too much action but hear me out.

To really make my point of why the Kryptonians robbed me of the Superman movie I wanted, let’s dig into the general conceit of the film. Clark Kent has spent the majority of his adult life wandering the Canadian wild saving villagers and learning important life lessons in 44 minutes (edited for commercials), like a modern day Michael Landon in a Highway to Heaven remake. Clark does this because, and the movie spends at least a third of its screen time beating the audience over the head with this point, his Earth father has convinced him that humanity is not ready to accept a visitor from another planet. BOOM. There’s Nolan’s idea of Superman in a nutshell.

My first problem with this is that it turns out to be completely untrue. By the end of the movie we’ve discovered that Clark wasted the first half of his life and that, yes, Jonathan Kent died in vain. I’m not saying that humanity wasn’t crapping its collective pants over the giant alien spaceship hovering over the earth. I’m saying that humanity was crapping its collective pants over the giant alien spaceship hovering over the earth while threatening them. For all of Jonathan and Clark and Lois and Perry’s talk about how the general public isn’t ready for this kind of news we don’t get a single frame of film showing the world freaking out because HOLY CRAP ALIENS EXIST!!! Maybe this is something happening in the background or in the room next to the one they’re filming but I didn’t see a single person in a tinfoil hat ranting on the end times.

It turns out the human race seems actually kind of cool with alien visitors. Hell, they’re just happy one of them is our side.

Jonathan’s needless death and Kal El frittering half the movie away worrying for no reason aside, the Kryptonians created a problem more personal to me. Maybe it’s something stupid that no one else missed, but about three quarters of the way through I realized that we were never getting what I call the “hero’s reveal”. It’s that point in every superhero movie where our hero finally makes his presence known to the public in some awe-inspiring display of courage. I’m talking about a scene that ends in extras standing mouths agape, unsure of what to say as our hero takes a moment to bask in his moment of glory before flying off/disappearing into the darkness/dancing on stage with Vanilla Ice.

An appropriate "hero's reveal".

Man of Steel robs the audience of this moment by introducing the Kryptonian villains first. The closest thing we’re treated to is a bewildered military unit meeting Superman in the desert for a meeting that he’s inexplicably called. Maybe he already has Lois on speed dial. Even then, the military already knew an alien was among us and is part of the race hovering above the Ionosphere. The general public doesn’t even get something as unceremonious as that. The first time anyone else sees Kal El it’s the “battle of Smallville” where he’s presented as just another alien, albeit in slightly different colored fetish-wear. We don’t even get a dramatic display of power. His powers are exactly like every other bad guy zipping around.

This was so large, booming, and all-encompassing, where do we even go from here? Superman has already leveled most of the nation’s largest city while fighting off an army of extra-terrestrial beings. The Avengers took 6 movies to lead up to that point. How does this possibly fit into a world where a man dressing like a bat and fighting domestic terrorists is labeled as exciting and high-stakes? Or a world where Ryan Reynolds is continually allowed to be in superhero movies?

Above all, Man of Steel just made me sad for the movie that could have been. I admired the attempt to flesh out Kal El’s Kryptonian backstory, ridiculous “codex” aside. I liked the weight given to Clark’s upbringing and morality as taught by the Kent’s because it felt like it was building to something more substantial than CGI fists punching CGI explosions. It’s complicated, I guess. I guess I just wanted a movie about Clark Kent and not Kal El. I wanted to feel like I understood the character a little more, but I didn’t get that. I got a sci-fi blockbuster about an alien landing on our world. It wasn’t a bad movie, just not the one that our hero or his fans deserved.

Let me know what a nerd I am in the comments section below.

The Superman Podcast

Flying in faster than a speeding bullet comes a SUPER-sized podcast about everyone's favorite boy scout/peeping Tom--Superman! Jump in the nearest Kryptonian escape pod and join Brandon and Kyle as they look back at the movies that have defined the Man of Steel, from the iconic to the downright insulting.

After you've listened to the episode make sure to head on down to the comments section or email us at spoileralertpodcast@gmail.com to let us know your thoughts!

Click the link below to download the podcast:

Superman Podcast
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Brando Ponders The Departed

There can be no doubt that the city of Boston has experienced one of the most traumatic and bizarre periods in recent history, and as the latest victim of terrorism, Boston has come together and stood strong in the wake of unspeakable violence and unimaginable terror.   For any of the folks that spent an entire day under a police mandated lockdown, all because the authorities simply didn’t know what could happen next, only to emerge from your homes to cheer your local law enforcement on a job well done; I say you are the ones who deserve an enthusiastic round of applause from the rest of the country, as well as a continued place in our collective thoughts and prayers.

And in recent years, the city of Boston itself, with its rich and storied history, has been the backdrop to some of the best films of the past decade; in fact, it has become so popular of a filming location that there has emerged a sub-genre in crime films beginning with “The Boondock Saints” and continuing all the way through “The Town” all based in Boston.  However, the title of ‘best of the best’ would have to go to Scorsese’s crime opus “The Departed.”  It is imperative that you know right from the start that I am a self proclaimed super-fan of this film, even though I consider it slightly inferior to Scorsese’s masterpiece “Goodfellas,” which for my money is the gold standard for the man’s entire body of work.

Cinematic Genius or Homeless Schizophrenic 

In fact, ‘The Departed” is so good that even though I’ve seen it over ten times, I still eagerly return to watch this gritty tale of betrayal and torn loyalties over and over again, completely engrossed in the film.  That being said; within the awesome, it has not escaped my attention that there is an inconsistency here and there and perhaps a plot hole or two.  And despite my best attempts to curb this particular impulse, because of my need to feel superior to the rest of the planet, I simply can’t resist pointing these flaws out.

The editors of SpoilerAlert Podcast would like to remind all readers of the title of said podcast and as such Brando is about to reveal every freakin’ plot point that this film has to offer. If for some reason you’ve missed this film over the last six years, you should head to your local Red Box immediately and catch up to the rest of the civilized world.  We’ll wait. Done? Fantastic! There’s no need to thank us for shining a little more sunshine of awesome into your life, but the fact remains that this article will probably make more sense if… you know… you’ve actually seen the movie and know the plot of the film. Thank you.

JUST A FEW QUESTIONS FOR EVERY MEMBER OF BOSTON LAW ENFORCMENT:

Who the hell isn’t undercover in this universe?

The film begins with Jed Bartlett and Dirk Diggler recruiting Leonardo DiCaprio to infiltrate Jack Nicholson’s gang and hopefully bring an end to his reign of crime in the great city of Boston.  So great a scourge is Nicholson’s Frank Costello on the city that at one point Matt Damon gets appointed to set up shop in the State Police headquarters with an entire task force whose sole purpose is to go after him. So DiCaprio is undercover, you say; sounds great! However, the twist of the film is that Damon is actually a rat for Costello in the State Police and therefore he’s undercover too! But if you’re concerned that these two fellas are going to be the only participants in all this undercover shenanigans, you needn’t worry; because we got plenty more. Delahunt, the gang member who gets shot right after they’ve played pitch and toss with Martin Sheen on the roof, is revealed to possibly be undercover Boston Police (Costello debunks this to the gang, but there is this odd moment between Delahunt and DiCaprio where he seems to know DiCaprio is an informant but covers for him).

Falkor!!!

Jimmy Bags, the guy who’s teeth DiCaprio knocks out when he first starts in with the bad guys’ crew is revealed to be a BPD informant; and in a huge twist, Costello himself is working with the FBI the entire time!  By my count 60% of all crime in Boston in this film is perpetrated by undercover officers or informants trying to gain the confidence of other officers or informants. Were they to all take a collective week off, the crime rate for the entire city would instantly decrease by half. Maybe they should focus more time and energy on standard surveillance or wiretaps?

Wait a second, where are the surveillance and wiretaps?

In the finale of the film, Damon decides to sell Costello out and with the help of DiCaprio’s inside information; he leads the police to a warehouse and catches Costello red-handed at a cocaine deal.  For some reason, this is treated as a big time coup, even though according to both Damon and DiCaprio, Costello goes to these things all the time, as its part of his badass image of himself to take a personal interest in his empire.  My question is this: if he’s always at these wacky drug deals, why not just get a team or two of subtle surveillance cops to stick to him like glue and simply catch him the normal way?

In addition, Damon spends the entire last half of the movie playing both sides of the equation as he’s essentially leading the State Police manhunt for Costello’s rat (himself) and desperately trying to convince Costello to lay low until he can find out who the cop is in his gang.  But at one point, Costello calls Damon on his home phone land line.  Um… couldn’t a judge issue a warrant for a wire tap to be planted on Frank’s phone and all of the sudden we’ve got his rat with one phone transcript therefore negating the need for months of high tension intrigue? 

           

Why the hell don’t the cops send someone outside during the microprocessor deal?

The police’s most promising chance to get Costello, and Damon’s most nerve-wracking moments avoiding discovery, is a joint operation with the FBI to observe and record Costello selling stolen microprocessors to members of the Chinese Triad. Before the deal is done though, the cops realize they have a blind spot and can’t see everything they need to see through the surveillance cameras, and as a result, their hopes are dashed when no one ever comes out of the building and Costello and company give them the slip and are allowed to escape on boats into Boston harbor. This turn of events causes more than a little bit of frustration on the part of the cops, as they had apparently pinned all of their hopes to a poorly conceived bust that not even Damon, the team leader of the unit charged with taking Costello down, knows anything about.   It ends badly for the law, but I’m wondering why couldn’t they just have had three cops run around to the other side of the building to visually ID Costello and the boys and then have Harbor Patrol stop Frank with one million dollars in his hand?

How does a professional police officer just flip the switch to hardcore assassin after he suspects Damon sold out his partner?

The final scene of the film is that Damon comes home to find Walburg standing in his place, dressed and ready to shuffle him off the mortal coil, a move Damon condones as he feels unworthy to even be alive at this point. But how in the hell did Walburg walk off the job, spend a few weeks stewing over Damon’s betrayal and then just decide to break bad and show up at Damon’s condo ready and willing to commit cold blooded murder?  Isn’t that a rather severe reaction from a man that has sworn to defend and uphold the law?  To me, that seems a little like resorting to arson just because Domino’s got your order wrong.

“Ok, I set the building on fire…”

Plus, how the hell is Walburg going to walk off the job in the first place knowing that he is totally leaving DiCaprio high and dry by doing so?  He and Sheen are the only two people in the world that know he’s an undercover cop; with Sheen dead, doesn’t Walburg have a responsibility to go meet with DiCaprio immediately and tell him to get the hell out of dodge because the situation is no longer controllable?

NOW HERE’S A QUESTION FOR FRANK:

How the f#&k do you not know that DiCaprio is the rat?

When Alec Baldwin is setting up the State Police’s investigation into Costello he mentions that Costello uses three key guys: Delahunt, Fitzy, and French. This is when Damon is first joining the investigation into Costello, so it’s established that this is before DiCaprio’s Billy Costigan ever joins his crew.  Once old Frank lets Billy in however, he almost immediately starts getting that feeling that there’s something wrong and maybe there’s a cop in sheep’s clothing lurking within his organization.  Well, let’s take a deep look at this conundrum.  First of all Frank, has any member of your crew ever voluntarily joined a law enforcement organization? Well, Billy did, but that’s probably not that big of a deal. And remember that one time Damon told you to get everyone’s social security numbers so you made everyone wait at the bar until the answers came back, did anyone act funny and refuse to stay put until you could identify them? Bill again, huh? 

Okay…

Even more, when Damon and company get to the microprocessor deal, he makes a note that Costello, French, Fitzy, Delahunt, and “the new guy” Costigan go into the warehouse.  Shortly thereafter, Sheen demonstrates that he is communicating directly with his undercover man who is inside the building with Costello (something Damon would have told Frank).  So, immediately after you let Billy join the gang, you start having increased police pressure and feel like you have a rat.  And out of the four possible men it could be, one of them who has been with you for over 30 years according to a flashback, you can’t figure out if it’s the two unquestionably loyal meatheads that have been with you for years or the new guy that’s only been around for a few months who once tried to be a cop and now can’t sit still around you for more than a minute and who constantly asks too many questions? Yeah, you’re a freakin’ criminal mastermind.

A FEW “WHAT THE HELL?!?” QUESTIONS:

Was Madolyn ever going to get a paternity test for her baby?

She tells Damon the child is his and seems to be excited about it; however when DiCaprio comes to see her at her office she indicates that she has something really big to tell him and that she really needs to get it off her chest.  At Billy’s funeral, Damon asks her about the baby, only to have her completely ignore him and act as if she never knew him.  If she had his child in her womb, she would at least stop to tell him he’ll never see the boy or work out child support or something.  Instead, the way she cries over Billy’s grave and walks away from Damon indicates that she’s going to consider the child a product of her and Billy’s affair.

But what was her plan of action going to be if everyone had stayed alive and was of good legal standing to claim fatherhood? I mean, if Billy hadn’t gotten gunned down by an evil State Trooper and Marky Mark hadn’t repainted Jason Bourne’s living room with his own brains, was she going to book an appearance on Maury and have a paternity test showdown or something?

“And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to…”

What happened to the poor Asian guy Damon knifed in the alley?

Billy’s best chance to catch Costello’s mole is at a porn theatre where Nicholson and Damon are meeting to exchange the envelope containing all the gang’s social security info.  Desperate to make a bust and end this entire nightmare, Billy stalks Damon through the narrow streets of Chinatown, trying to find out who the mole is.  However, Damon gets wise to the fact that he has a tail and he ducks behind a delivery truck that is parked just outside of a Chinese food restaurant. After a few tense moments of waiting, Damon makes his move and thrusts his knife into… some poor son of a bitch that was just trying to deliver some dim sum!! The guy goes down and Damon skulks off only to have Billy stealthily follow him into the street.  Bill, I know you’re undercover and probably don’t have your Miranda rights card in your back pocket, but you just witnessed aggravated assault and battery with a dangerous weapon!!! (Punishable by up to 15 years imprisonment and a fine of up to $10,000 under the Massachusetts Penal Code) This is to say nothing of the fact that as a police officer (even an undercover one), you’re first priority is to preserve life at all times. Way to go with giving that awkward glance down at the stabbing victim who is literally lying in the gutter at your feet, right before you prance on out of the crime scene in your failed attempt to simply look at another human’s face!! Seriously, how did you get this job again?

Why does Damon’s neighbor shun him when he comes home from the store?

Damon is a Massachusetts State Trooper, and even though we all know he’s a rat bastard, to the fictional public of this universe, he’d be known as the Hero Trooper that finally brought down Frank Costello.  Yet, when he walks into his apartment building and tries to be friendly with his neighbor’s dog, she jerks the dog away and acts like he has the plague. Can she smell the rat-prick on him? Or does she know that Max Paine is waiting inside his place to assassinate him and doesn’t want to bother with the mundane chit-chat?

Trooper Brown knows who Billy is the entire film, why doesn’t he say anything to anyone until after Billy reveals himself to be an informant?

Did this guy really spend his whole career never mentioning to anyone that he had a quasi personal relationship with one of the five guys his special sub-unit is investigating? When Billy is sitting in Damon’s office after Costello is dead, Damon offhandedly asks Brown if he knows who Billy is; a question which Brown responds to affirmatively. You’re telling me that these cops never went for a beer after work and Brown got a little buzz going and slurred out, “It’s so weird that Billy is in Costello’s crew, because back when we were in the academy together, we were so tight that we could share vaguely racist insults with each other.  I mean, if ever there was a perfect police informant to infiltrate Costello’s operation and then report back to the snitch crew, he’d be the guy.  Oh well, pass the beer nuts.” Seriously?

BUT WAIT, DEAR READERS!!!

Perhaps these are not plot holes or flaws at all, but rather just subtle clues to encourage us to find the true criminal mastermind that has been operating behind the scenes the entire time: 

Arec Barrwin!!!

Baldwin’s Captain Ellerby is the real criminal mastermind behind the chaos and has been the entire time!! Let’s just consider the evidence:

1)      He lets two (count em!) of Costello’s informants into the Massachusetts State Police’s Special Investigations Unit.  I understand these guys aren’t working for Disney or anything crazy like that, but isn’t there some sort of background check where they look at your known associates and could easily figure out that Trainee Sullivan used to spend all his free time hanging out at Costello’s garage during his impressionable years?

2)      He compares his immaculate record with Damon’s, citing the similarities he shares with someone we all know to be a bad guy, and on the basis of that comparison puts Damon in charge of rooting out Costello’s informant. A move that basically gives him carte blanches to investigate anyone he wants to and directly results in Sheen’s pavement dive.

3)      He allows Walburg to walk off the job with ABSOLUTELY NO investigation into whether or not Sheen was Costello’s informant or if so was Walburg involved in the deception with him.  The guy throws up the deuce to an active and vital investigation and Baldwin’s only response is a slight dig at his inevitable career path and to wish him the best of luck?    

4)      He never even bats an eye when Damon basically admits that Jimmy Pappas’ probably didn’t kill the two mobsters from Providence (Costello did and then framed the poor bastard, a move he takes the time to lay out for Damon to follow), but it’s probably just more convenient for all the cops if they don’t look this gift horse directly in the mouth.  Wasn’t there some sort of oath these cops had to take about fidelity and commitment to justice and all that?

5)      Upon hearing the news that Damon has established an unauthorized communication link with Sheen’s unknown informant, Baldwin’s only reaction is to completely go along with Damon’s plan to take down Costello and to never even reprimand him for way overstepping the bounds of his authority.  “You say you’ve disobeyed a direct order and have put this entire operation in jeopardy with some more of your patented tomfoolery? Ok, let’s see how this plays out. All units, blindly follow Will Hunting’s instructions from here on out.”

Seriously, add it all up and you’ve got your true master criminal right there.

From the SpoilerAlert Investigative Division, be safe out there.

-Brando