Kyle's 27 Movies to See in 2014

It’s a new year, folks, and along with broken promises to ourselves comes a terrifying barrage of new movies! To help you sort through the mess I’ve painstakingly combed through the full menu of 2014’s upcoming releases and present to you the best of what the next twelve months has to offer. I hope you enjoy.

The Lego Movie – February 7

As a huge fan of Chris Pratt’s work on Parks and Rec, I couldn’t be happier to see him make the jump to leading man roles--even if it is voicing a working man Lego tasked with saving the world. In a movie that borrows heavily from every complicated playset the Lego corporation has ever licensed, this looks to be a big, fun rush of a movie featuring Lego-sized roles for Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Batman. This might turn out to be the best Justice League movie we ever get.

The Monuments Men – February 7

I’m a little torn with this movie…on the one hand you can’t beat the cast. Get Clooney, Damon, Goodman, and Murray (as well as many others) in a flick together and then have Clooney direct it and it has to be gold, right? On the other hand, the release date and trailers aren't exactly making me jump up and down. We'll see if this tale of a ragtag group of soldiers saving art from the Nazis works.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman – March 7

I was a fan of the cartoon growing up and was glad to hear they were making an animated movie, especially knowing that Ty Burrell, the comic anchor of Modern Family, would be voicing everyone’s favorite time-traveling canine, Mr. Peabody. Pair that with a trailer that looks fantastic, and you’ve got my interest. Brandon disagrees with me on this one and can promptly suck it.

Veronica Mars – March 14

Here’s a flick I’m going to have to do a little homework for and watch some episodes of the original show on which this is a continuation. Years after cancellation and hearing growing demand online, the original creator of the TV show, Rob Thomas (no, not that Rob Thomas) crowd funded this movie.   Again, never having watched the original show I’m taking the word of the internet (which has never backfired before) and trusting the small but rabid fan base of the cancelled CW detective show.

Muppets Most Wanted – March 21

The long-awaited continuation of the Muppet’s adventures orchestrated by Jason Segal and Nicholas Stoller was, in a word, superb. This time Stoller and the Muppets will have to survive without the help of Segal, who decided that one dream-fulfilling movie was enough for him. Here’s hoping that the lovability of the Muppets, Ty Burrell, and Tina Fey can overcome my general distaste for Ricky Gervais. Here’s to hoping he gets kicked in the stones at some point.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier – April 4

Captain America has never been a comic character who appealed to me. While Brandon has posters of the Cap all up over his walls and that tattoo on his ass he thinks no one knows about, I’ve always thought the superhero was a little outdated. Color me surprised when I actually enjoyed the first movie in the series and thought Captain America was one of the highlights of The Avengers (as well as MANY other things). Chris Evans brings a timeless quality to Cap that the character needs to make it work and I’m happy to see the addition of Robert Redford to the cast.

Draft Day – April 11

Maybe I’m just a sucker for Kevin Costner and sports movies, but just the description of this one has me interested. Costner plays the general manager of the mediocre Cleveland Browns attempting to secure the number one draft pick for the team. The combination of Costner’s Midwest charm and behind the scenes football action should be a winner…it’s basically Moneyball without Jonah Hill.

Transcendence – April 18

Okay, this movie has some things going against it from the start, but stay with me. Johnny Depp (uh oh) plays a terminally ill scientist who downloads his brain to a computer (double uh oh). I know, it sounds like something Depp should have been starring in between Nick of Time and The Ninth Gate, but this is the directorial debut of Wally Pfister, cinematographer extraordinaire behind all of Christopher Nolan’s movies. That’s gotta count for something, right?

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – May 2

Thanks to Showtime and the Starz network I’ve had no shortage of opportunities to rewatch The Amazing Spider-Man, and while I feel like the ending is a mess and that they didn’t really tell me anything new about the character, I’m sold on Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone as the leads. Hopefully without have the burden of trying to reboot a character first introduced cinematically to audiences only a few years before, we can get straight to the meat of the movie…Spider-man swinging around Manhattan punching bad guys. From the looks of the trailer, that’s exactly what they’ve done.

Neighbors – May 9

I’ll always welcome a new R-rated comedy from Seth Rogan and company. This time Rogan and his wife, Rose Byrne, have moved next door to a frat house (ha!) populated by Dave Franco and Zac Efron. At least Efron secures my wife coming along to see this one with me. At what point did characters my age become the boring old people? Look for this one to make me very sad while laughing hysterically.

Godzilla – May 16

Luckily a heavy amount of drinking during the last decade has all but eradicated Matthew Broderick’s 1998 disaster, Godzilla, from my memory. Enter Gareth Edwards, writer/director behind the criminally under seen indie Monsters to lend a little more weight to this outing. The initial trailer has piqued my interest, but in trolling IMDB I just saw that the co-screenwriter also wrote the first Expendables and Doom. Let’s call this one a maybe.

Million Dollar Arm – May 16

While the rest of the world is watching Godzilla destroy the west coast, maybe I’ll be the theater next door watching a baseball movie written by Thomas McCarthy (The Station Agent/Up/Win Win) and starring Jon Hamm (certified badass). I know, I know, it’s Disney and it’s going to be schmaltzy as hell with lots of fish out of water hijinks and a heartwarming lesson at the end, but I bet it gets a smile and tear out of me when no one’s looking.

X-Men: Days of Future Past – May 23

I might be having a little X-Men amnesia and a bad case of the “good trailers” this time, but there’s a sold chance that the X-Men franchise could be back on the rise. X-Men: First Class was only mostly good and before that you have to reach back to 2003’s X2 to find a decent adaptation of Marvel’s most bankable superhero team, but the law of averages says that Bryan Singer, who IS talented, is due another enjoyable movie. Everything I’m seeing points to a resurgence in the franchise, plus I just read that Anna Paquin’s Rogue was left on the cutting room floor. Sign me up.

Maleficent – May 30

I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to include the story of Sleepy Beauty's baddie, Maleficent, on my list but here goes. It seems that Disney has run out of new ideas and now they’re focusing on origin tales of their villains. Next summer Jafar is starring in a high school football comedy.  As much as I’ve rolled my eyes at this and Angelina Jolie in general I do have to admit that the teaser trailer has me interested. In a very busy summer though, I feel like this one may be overlooked by yours truly.

A Million Ways to Die in the West – May 30

To me Seth MacFarlane alternates between hilarious and things I would have found hilarious twelve years ago. MacFarlane’s second directorial attempt will also be his first time as the on-screen star, and the competency of 2012’s Ted paired with the fact that this will be a western has me hopeful. The true test will see if Seth can break free of his Family Guy list of jokes, many of which we re-purposed for Ted.

Edge of Tomorrow – June 6

Imagine if Groundhog Day starred Tom Cruise instead of Bill Murray and was a sci-fi action movie rather than a comedy. Still on board? No? I’m leaning in your direction too, but it is an interesting premise and for all of his off-screen shenanigans Cruise rarely fails to deliver. I’m hoping this will be a surprise hit that doesn’t take itself as seriously as the trailer would suggest.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 – June 13

The first How to Train Your Dragon movie, adapted from a series of children’s books, won me hook, line, and sinker with its stunning visuals and sweet story. The heroes of the original are back, looking not quite as awkward as they did the first time around, ready for a new set of adventures that we can only hope maintain the pace and joy that was such a winner the first time around.

Jersey Boys – June 20

Clint Eastwood helms this adaptation of the popular Broadway musical tracking the rise of the Four Seasons over the years. Being a sucker for musicals and having wanted to see the original on the stage for a number of years this was pretty much a no brainer. What really excites me, though, is to see if Eastwood can step out of his monotonous comfort zone of late and bring us a vibrant retelling Frankie Valli and the rest of the Four Seasons. Hopefully we’ll get a little more heart than J. Edgar and a little less fluff than Rock of Ages.

Guardians of the Galaxy – August 1

If nothing else, this could be one of the most ambitious movies coming out of a major studio this summer. If you’ve never heard of Guardians of the Galaxy, a comic initially dating back to 1969, don’t count yourself alone and be prepared for a superhero movie like you’ve never seen before. Crime fighting trees? Check. Mercenary raccoon? Check. Chris Pratt? Check. All written and directed by the man who made Slither. While DC is still figuring out how to make Wonder Woman work, Marvel is putting a machine gun in the hands of a CGI raccoon, voiced by Bradley Cooper, and turning the insanity up to eleven.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – August 8

All indications say that this new adaptation of the Ninja Turtles will be terrible. Let’s go down the list to get really depressed. First of all, Michael Bay is heavily involved and producing. Second, Megan Fox has been cast as our generation’s first love—April O’Neil. Third, it’s being directed by the visionary behind such classics as Wrath of the Titans, Darkness Falls, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Still, it’s the Ninja Turtles and until I walk out of the theater covered in disgust and shame I will hold out hope. I owe at least that to 8-year-old Kyle.

The Expendables 3 – August 15

It must be mid-August if it’s time for a new Expendables movie. This time around Stallone has managed to bribe, cheat, and blackmail Banderas, Gibson, Snipes, and Ford to join the cast of loveable old losers who want nothing more than to blow up buildings in third world countries. As dumb as these movies are, and they are supremely stupid, if you have a few adult beverages beforehand and see them with ten of your closest friends it makes for a pretty fun Friday night.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For – August 22

Despite the grammatical error of ending the title in a preposition, I’m holding out hope that this sequel can match the originality of the first Sin City. A lot has happened since 2005’s crime noir classic. Robert Rodriquez has directed no less than five crappy, indulgent movies and Frank Miller showed the world that he shouldn’t be left alone with 2008’s The Spirit. Maybe reteaming to revisit the truly interesting world of Sin City is just what the doctor ordered.

The Boxtrolls – September 26

The Boxtrolls is a delightfully British stop-motion animated movie from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman about a little orphaned boy raised by underground cave-dwelling trash collectors. If that description doesn’t get you excited to see this film I don’t know what to say and I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends.

Gone Girl – October 3

In all honestly I don’t know anything about this movie except that my wife read the book last summer and loved it, therefore I’ll be seeing it. On the plus side, David Fincher is directing.

Interstellar – November 7

After conquering the superhero genre with the magnificent Dark Knight trilogy, Christopher Nolan sets his sights upward in Interstellar. In typical Nolan fashion not much is known about his latest movie except for a cryptic teaser trailer, a brief synopsis detailing space travel through a newly discovered wormhole, and a cast that boasts the talents of Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, Anne Hathaway, and John Lithgow (just to name a few). No matter what, trust the Nolan.

Dumb and Dumber To – November 14

Hear me out on this one…the Farrelly brothers are returning to write and direct a sequel to 1994’s hit comedy and hopefully purging all memories of 2003’s prequel (of which they had no involvement). Sure the teaser images posted by Jim Carrey of he and Jeff Daniels in Harry and Lloyd makeup show a little more turkey-neck than we all remember, but hey, you’re no spring chicken either. At its best this could be a welcome return to zany comedy for Carrey, and at its worst it’ll be a movie no one sees. I’m hoping for the former, but you’d better believe I’ll be watching the reviews.

The Hobbit: There and Back Again – December 17

While 2012’s first Hobbit movie was kind of a mess, this Christmas’ sequel was a welcome return to form for Peter Jackson’s franchise. The most disappointing point in the whole film was the abrupt ending in mid-battle, so let’s hope they can keep the action going in the trilogy’s final installment. Barring an eight movie adaptation of The Silmarillion this will probably be audiences last chance to visit Middle Earth so hopefully Jackson and crew will end on a high note. If not, we can all look forward to the Michael Bay reboot in eight years.

There you go, friend, twelve months of quality entertainment teed up just for you. For a fun side game count how many of these movies aren't sequels or remakes! Let me know in the comments section which flicks you think look amazing and what you think I'm an idiot for shelling out $14 to see.