Kyle's 27 Movies to See in 2014

It’s a new year, folks, and along with broken promises to ourselves comes a terrifying barrage of new movies! To help you sort through the mess I’ve painstakingly combed through the full menu of 2014’s upcoming releases and present to you the best of what the next twelve months has to offer. I hope you enjoy.

The Lego Movie – February 7

As a huge fan of Chris Pratt’s work on Parks and Rec, I couldn’t be happier to see him make the jump to leading man roles--even if it is voicing a working man Lego tasked with saving the world. In a movie that borrows heavily from every complicated playset the Lego corporation has ever licensed, this looks to be a big, fun rush of a movie featuring Lego-sized roles for Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Batman. This might turn out to be the best Justice League movie we ever get.

The Monuments Men – February 7

I’m a little torn with this movie…on the one hand you can’t beat the cast. Get Clooney, Damon, Goodman, and Murray (as well as many others) in a flick together and then have Clooney direct it and it has to be gold, right? On the other hand, the release date and trailers aren't exactly making me jump up and down. We'll see if this tale of a ragtag group of soldiers saving art from the Nazis works.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman – March 7

I was a fan of the cartoon growing up and was glad to hear they were making an animated movie, especially knowing that Ty Burrell, the comic anchor of Modern Family, would be voicing everyone’s favorite time-traveling canine, Mr. Peabody. Pair that with a trailer that looks fantastic, and you’ve got my interest. Brandon disagrees with me on this one and can promptly suck it.

Veronica Mars – March 14

Here’s a flick I’m going to have to do a little homework for and watch some episodes of the original show on which this is a continuation. Years after cancellation and hearing growing demand online, the original creator of the TV show, Rob Thomas (no, not that Rob Thomas) crowd funded this movie.   Again, never having watched the original show I’m taking the word of the internet (which has never backfired before) and trusting the small but rabid fan base of the cancelled CW detective show.

Muppets Most Wanted – March 21

The long-awaited continuation of the Muppet’s adventures orchestrated by Jason Segal and Nicholas Stoller was, in a word, superb. This time Stoller and the Muppets will have to survive without the help of Segal, who decided that one dream-fulfilling movie was enough for him. Here’s hoping that the lovability of the Muppets, Ty Burrell, and Tina Fey can overcome my general distaste for Ricky Gervais. Here’s to hoping he gets kicked in the stones at some point.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier – April 4

Captain America has never been a comic character who appealed to me. While Brandon has posters of the Cap all up over his walls and that tattoo on his ass he thinks no one knows about, I’ve always thought the superhero was a little outdated. Color me surprised when I actually enjoyed the first movie in the series and thought Captain America was one of the highlights of The Avengers (as well as MANY other things). Chris Evans brings a timeless quality to Cap that the character needs to make it work and I’m happy to see the addition of Robert Redford to the cast.

Draft Day – April 11

Maybe I’m just a sucker for Kevin Costner and sports movies, but just the description of this one has me interested. Costner plays the general manager of the mediocre Cleveland Browns attempting to secure the number one draft pick for the team. The combination of Costner’s Midwest charm and behind the scenes football action should be a winner…it’s basically Moneyball without Jonah Hill.

Transcendence – April 18

Okay, this movie has some things going against it from the start, but stay with me. Johnny Depp (uh oh) plays a terminally ill scientist who downloads his brain to a computer (double uh oh). I know, it sounds like something Depp should have been starring in between Nick of Time and The Ninth Gate, but this is the directorial debut of Wally Pfister, cinematographer extraordinaire behind all of Christopher Nolan’s movies. That’s gotta count for something, right?

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – May 2

Thanks to Showtime and the Starz network I’ve had no shortage of opportunities to rewatch The Amazing Spider-Man, and while I feel like the ending is a mess and that they didn’t really tell me anything new about the character, I’m sold on Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone as the leads. Hopefully without have the burden of trying to reboot a character first introduced cinematically to audiences only a few years before, we can get straight to the meat of the movie…Spider-man swinging around Manhattan punching bad guys. From the looks of the trailer, that’s exactly what they’ve done.

Neighbors – May 9

I’ll always welcome a new R-rated comedy from Seth Rogan and company. This time Rogan and his wife, Rose Byrne, have moved next door to a frat house (ha!) populated by Dave Franco and Zac Efron. At least Efron secures my wife coming along to see this one with me. At what point did characters my age become the boring old people? Look for this one to make me very sad while laughing hysterically.

Godzilla – May 16

Luckily a heavy amount of drinking during the last decade has all but eradicated Matthew Broderick’s 1998 disaster, Godzilla, from my memory. Enter Gareth Edwards, writer/director behind the criminally under seen indie Monsters to lend a little more weight to this outing. The initial trailer has piqued my interest, but in trolling IMDB I just saw that the co-screenwriter also wrote the first Expendables and Doom. Let’s call this one a maybe.

Million Dollar Arm – May 16

While the rest of the world is watching Godzilla destroy the west coast, maybe I’ll be the theater next door watching a baseball movie written by Thomas McCarthy (The Station Agent/Up/Win Win) and starring Jon Hamm (certified badass). I know, I know, it’s Disney and it’s going to be schmaltzy as hell with lots of fish out of water hijinks and a heartwarming lesson at the end, but I bet it gets a smile and tear out of me when no one’s looking.

X-Men: Days of Future Past – May 23

I might be having a little X-Men amnesia and a bad case of the “good trailers” this time, but there’s a sold chance that the X-Men franchise could be back on the rise. X-Men: First Class was only mostly good and before that you have to reach back to 2003’s X2 to find a decent adaptation of Marvel’s most bankable superhero team, but the law of averages says that Bryan Singer, who IS talented, is due another enjoyable movie. Everything I’m seeing points to a resurgence in the franchise, plus I just read that Anna Paquin’s Rogue was left on the cutting room floor. Sign me up.

Maleficent – May 30

I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to include the story of Sleepy Beauty's baddie, Maleficent, on my list but here goes. It seems that Disney has run out of new ideas and now they’re focusing on origin tales of their villains. Next summer Jafar is starring in a high school football comedy.  As much as I’ve rolled my eyes at this and Angelina Jolie in general I do have to admit that the teaser trailer has me interested. In a very busy summer though, I feel like this one may be overlooked by yours truly.

A Million Ways to Die in the West – May 30

To me Seth MacFarlane alternates between hilarious and things I would have found hilarious twelve years ago. MacFarlane’s second directorial attempt will also be his first time as the on-screen star, and the competency of 2012’s Ted paired with the fact that this will be a western has me hopeful. The true test will see if Seth can break free of his Family Guy list of jokes, many of which we re-purposed for Ted.

Edge of Tomorrow – June 6

Imagine if Groundhog Day starred Tom Cruise instead of Bill Murray and was a sci-fi action movie rather than a comedy. Still on board? No? I’m leaning in your direction too, but it is an interesting premise and for all of his off-screen shenanigans Cruise rarely fails to deliver. I’m hoping this will be a surprise hit that doesn’t take itself as seriously as the trailer would suggest.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 – June 13

The first How to Train Your Dragon movie, adapted from a series of children’s books, won me hook, line, and sinker with its stunning visuals and sweet story. The heroes of the original are back, looking not quite as awkward as they did the first time around, ready for a new set of adventures that we can only hope maintain the pace and joy that was such a winner the first time around.

Jersey Boys – June 20

Clint Eastwood helms this adaptation of the popular Broadway musical tracking the rise of the Four Seasons over the years. Being a sucker for musicals and having wanted to see the original on the stage for a number of years this was pretty much a no brainer. What really excites me, though, is to see if Eastwood can step out of his monotonous comfort zone of late and bring us a vibrant retelling Frankie Valli and the rest of the Four Seasons. Hopefully we’ll get a little more heart than J. Edgar and a little less fluff than Rock of Ages.

Guardians of the Galaxy – August 1

If nothing else, this could be one of the most ambitious movies coming out of a major studio this summer. If you’ve never heard of Guardians of the Galaxy, a comic initially dating back to 1969, don’t count yourself alone and be prepared for a superhero movie like you’ve never seen before. Crime fighting trees? Check. Mercenary raccoon? Check. Chris Pratt? Check. All written and directed by the man who made Slither. While DC is still figuring out how to make Wonder Woman work, Marvel is putting a machine gun in the hands of a CGI raccoon, voiced by Bradley Cooper, and turning the insanity up to eleven.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – August 8

All indications say that this new adaptation of the Ninja Turtles will be terrible. Let’s go down the list to get really depressed. First of all, Michael Bay is heavily involved and producing. Second, Megan Fox has been cast as our generation’s first love—April O’Neil. Third, it’s being directed by the visionary behind such classics as Wrath of the Titans, Darkness Falls, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Still, it’s the Ninja Turtles and until I walk out of the theater covered in disgust and shame I will hold out hope. I owe at least that to 8-year-old Kyle.

The Expendables 3 – August 15

It must be mid-August if it’s time for a new Expendables movie. This time around Stallone has managed to bribe, cheat, and blackmail Banderas, Gibson, Snipes, and Ford to join the cast of loveable old losers who want nothing more than to blow up buildings in third world countries. As dumb as these movies are, and they are supremely stupid, if you have a few adult beverages beforehand and see them with ten of your closest friends it makes for a pretty fun Friday night.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For – August 22

Despite the grammatical error of ending the title in a preposition, I’m holding out hope that this sequel can match the originality of the first Sin City. A lot has happened since 2005’s crime noir classic. Robert Rodriquez has directed no less than five crappy, indulgent movies and Frank Miller showed the world that he shouldn’t be left alone with 2008’s The Spirit. Maybe reteaming to revisit the truly interesting world of Sin City is just what the doctor ordered.

The Boxtrolls – September 26

The Boxtrolls is a delightfully British stop-motion animated movie from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman about a little orphaned boy raised by underground cave-dwelling trash collectors. If that description doesn’t get you excited to see this film I don’t know what to say and I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends.

Gone Girl – October 3

In all honestly I don’t know anything about this movie except that my wife read the book last summer and loved it, therefore I’ll be seeing it. On the plus side, David Fincher is directing.

Interstellar – November 7

After conquering the superhero genre with the magnificent Dark Knight trilogy, Christopher Nolan sets his sights upward in Interstellar. In typical Nolan fashion not much is known about his latest movie except for a cryptic teaser trailer, a brief synopsis detailing space travel through a newly discovered wormhole, and a cast that boasts the talents of Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, Anne Hathaway, and John Lithgow (just to name a few). No matter what, trust the Nolan.

Dumb and Dumber To – November 14

Hear me out on this one…the Farrelly brothers are returning to write and direct a sequel to 1994’s hit comedy and hopefully purging all memories of 2003’s prequel (of which they had no involvement). Sure the teaser images posted by Jim Carrey of he and Jeff Daniels in Harry and Lloyd makeup show a little more turkey-neck than we all remember, but hey, you’re no spring chicken either. At its best this could be a welcome return to zany comedy for Carrey, and at its worst it’ll be a movie no one sees. I’m hoping for the former, but you’d better believe I’ll be watching the reviews.

The Hobbit: There and Back Again – December 17

While 2012’s first Hobbit movie was kind of a mess, this Christmas’ sequel was a welcome return to form for Peter Jackson’s franchise. The most disappointing point in the whole film was the abrupt ending in mid-battle, so let’s hope they can keep the action going in the trilogy’s final installment. Barring an eight movie adaptation of The Silmarillion this will probably be audiences last chance to visit Middle Earth so hopefully Jackson and crew will end on a high note. If not, we can all look forward to the Michael Bay reboot in eight years.

There you go, friend, twelve months of quality entertainment teed up just for you. For a fun side game count how many of these movies aren't sequels or remakes! Let me know in the comments section which flicks you think look amazing and what you think I'm an idiot for shelling out $14 to see.

Brandon's Top 20 Funniest Film Roles

This one ended up being way harder than I thought it would, because there were just so many roles that came up.  In fact, this was going to be a top ten list but that was just a list of classic comedy roles (hilarious sure, but not a lot of fun), and adding just five to the list didn’t give it enough snap.  Twenty seemed good, but there were still so many great ones, that I ended up throwing in ten Honorable Mentions.  Also in order to shoehorn extras in here and there I did have to cheat a couple of times and rank an ensemble cast as one role.  If that truly bothers you, go write your own freakin’ list!  Also, its important to remember that these are funniest ROLES, not funniest films.  

ENJOY!

20 - Cooper Harris, EUROTRIP (2004)

Jacob Pitts portrayal of slacker best friend Coop makes the list almost entirely based upon the deadpan delivery Pitts brings to the role.  Whether confronting what he thought was Scott’s coming out to him, blowing off his boss to go to Europe, or finally hooking up with Jenny on the plane ride home, Coop never looses his cool.  Add in his signature quote, “This isn’t where I parked my car…” anytime he’s in a tight spot and he’s a comedy icon.  

Best Scene: Coop’s trip to Club WanderSexxx.

19 - Alan, THE HANGOVER (2009)

Physical comedians will tell you that the number one thing you have to do to make the joke work is to commit to it, and in his breakout role, Zach Galifianakis goes way above and beyond the call.  Sure everyone likes his crazy antics on the car ride to Vegas, and his speech to Doug started a cottage industry (www.wolfpack.com), but the genius of this role lies in the little things, such as his enthusiasm while hugging Eddie or his absolute insistence that tigers hate cinnamon.  And its Galifianakis’ wide eyed portrayal of Alan that makes us not only believe him, but love him at the same time.

Best Scene: Driving into the desert for meeting with Mr. Chow.

18 - Coach Wally Rigg, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS (1991)

Usually cast as a stern but lovable guy in charge (see BIG, OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS, etc..) Robert Loggia is a comfortable face to most of us, so much so that he once did an orange juice add where the entire gimmick was that the kid would only drink his juice because it was Loggia telling him to do it.  And in this role he got to take it a step further and be the wise-ass, take no prisoners yin to Hector Elizondo’s quiet Coach Gennero yang. The result was freaking hilarious, and enduring at the same time.

Best Scene: Rigg’s pre-game speech before the final game.

17 - Van Wilder, NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VAN WILDER (2002)

Crossing over from TV to film can be pretty tricky for most actors, but then most actors don’t get to jump into a role that is undeniably custom made for their talents.  Ryan Reynolds’ star making turn as the ultimate college slacker provided not only decades of idiots like me quoting his shtick any chance I got, but also multiple direct to video sequels and prequels desperate to cash in on his popularity.  And ultimately, what’s not to like about the guy, Van’s actually a genuinely good guy that likes to spread the party around.  Plus he’s got a comedic timing that’s just about unbeatable.

Best Scene: Van’s evening with Gwen’s parents and their friends.

16 - Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas- DUMB AND DUMBER (1994)

So inseparable that I had to list them together, Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey’s iconic performances are probably two of the most quotable characters of all time (“No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!”).  When it debuted, it was the third in a string of hits for Carrey (right behind ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE and THE MASK) and he was quickly becoming Hollywood’s most bankable star, so perhaps pairing him with that other cop from SPEED seemed like an odd choice.  When it hit though, these guys became everything that anyone was talking about, and rightfully so.

Best Scene: Tricking Sea Bass into picking up the tab.

15 - Mrs. White - CLUE (1985)

Long time fan favorite Madeline Kahn has had dozens of iconic comedic roles (see YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, BLAZING SADDLES, ets…) but its her portrayal of the pale and tragic Mrs. White that stands the test of time.  From opening frame to multiple endings, this film’s magic is performed completely by its ensemble cast, and while Tim Curry’s manic Wadsworth gets the screen time, its Kahn who steals the show.  Aided by her complete mastery of the less is more approach to a scene, not to mention her ability to throw her voice from tiny to huge at any given moment, Mrs. White is still my favorite of Kahn’s characters.

Best Scene: Defining her hatred of Yvette.

14 - Dark Helmet - SPACEBALLS (1987)

Believe it or not, there was once a time when no one thought that George Lucas needed a kick in the junk, and therefore any spoof of his beloved STAR WARS would actually be an homage of sorts.  Luckily for us, Mel Brooks was the man for the job, and lucky for him, Rick Moranis was a comedic genius.  By spoofing one of the most visually iconic villains of all time, Moranis could have easily spent the movie behind the mask making breathing jokes and threatening people, but its when he lifts Helmet’s facemask that he’s funniest.  And what better way to contrast Vader than a whining, glasses wearing little guy that pouts at almost everything. Comic Gold.

Best Scene: Playing with his dolls.

13 - Navin R. Johnson - THE JERK (1979)

Much like Kahn in the fact that Steve Martin could conceivably take up multiple spots on this list (in fact, I resisted the temptation to list two separate Martin characters in this one spot), this is undeniably his funniest role.  Stealing liberally from his incredibly popular comedy routine, Martin made the jump from stage to screen at a time when it wasn’t a given that comedians would just do that.  And from its opening scene to its wonderful ending, The Jerk is pure Martin zaniness the entire way.  Some naysayers might say that he’s not really acting (and he is a long way off from the subtle charisma he’ll eventually develop for films like FATHER OF THE BRIDE) but that’s not the point, throughout the entire film, he’s still freaking hilarious.

Best Scene: Storming out of his house and taking the things he’ll need.

12 - Det. Axel Foley - BEVERLY HILLS COP (1984)

Known for his hilarious outbursts and raw standup routines, Eddie Murphy hit his stride when he portrayed the free styling Detroit cop that’s in town to check on a friend and gets involved in a murder investigation. Paired beautifully with stuffy Beverly Hills Detectives Taggert and Rosewood (played by John Ashton and Judge Reinhold), Murphy is allowed to bellow and laugh his way throughout the entire film.  Everything from him getting thrown out of a building to his beautiful attempt at explaining the strip club shoot-out to Taggert and Rosewood’s Captain is a perfect vehicle for Murphy to exude Foley’s swagger and charm.

Best Scene: Visiting the art gallery with Bronson Pinchot.

11 - Sally Albright and Harry Burns - WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (1989)

Forever remembered for the orgasm scene, this film truly went after the issue of can two friends sleep together and remain friends in the morning long before network sitcoms where making it a weekly topic.  And who better than Billy Crystal, then most known for his comic shows and Saturday Night Live, and Meg Ryan, already in the midst of her successful campaign for America’s Sweetheart, for us to latch on to.  From the moment they’re paired up, Harry and Sally couldn’t be more different, and both of them think the other one’s nuts for the first half of the movie.  But once they become friends, they generate the warmth for each other that makes these two such an endearing pair.  

Best Scene: Discussing their day at the museum. 

10 - Jimmy Dugan - A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN (1992)

Tom Hanks, once again an actor that could own this list (BIG, TURNER AND HOOCH, BACHELOR PARTY, etc…), gives his best and most understated comedic performance as the sauced up manager to the Rockford Peaches.  Spending the first half of the movie cussing his lot in life and drunk out of his mind, he eventually morphs into a true manager and protector of the girls he’s managing.  But its Hanks’ incredible comedic timing that sustains the transformation throughout, as well as gives us some of the greatest scenes from a sports movie.  Everything from teaching kids about STDs to politely insisting that  Evelyn learn to hit the cut off man is hilarious simply because Tom Hanks is the man.

Best Scene: “There’s no crying in baseball!”

9 - Jim - BLAZING SADDLES (1974)

For a film that set the record of one joke every minute, almost everyone involved in this picture has an iconic scene to their credit (‘The Sheriff’s !”; “Numthim, eh?!”; and of course the famous campfire scene), but the standout is Gene Wilder as Jim, the Waco Kid.  Perfectly complementing Cleavon Little’s Bart with understatement and aplomb, Wilder breezes through the film with that bemused look on his face, and ends up stealing the show right out from under everyone.  

Best Scene: Jim’s introduction in the jail.

8 - Dr. Rumack - AIRPLANE! (1980)

Everyday when the sun rises, the Wayans brothers turn towards Hollywood and give thanks for the invention of the Parody Film, and when they do, they thank Jim Abrams and the Zucker brothers for this leap of comedic genius.  And while its chocked full of famous performances (Barbara Billingsley as the Jive Lady!!) the one to beat is Leslie Neilsen as the unflappable Dr. Rumack.  In what could have been a one joke performance (“and don’t call me Shirley.”) Nielsen makes Rumack funnier and funnier by simply remaining calm and delivering almost every line in a perfect comedic deadpan.  

Best Scene: Sneaking into the cockpit during the landing for his famous line.

7 - Cousin Eddie - NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)

After nearly stealing the first film away from Chevy Chase in only a few scenes, this is the film that made Randy Quaid’s Cousin Eddie infamous.  From the moment he shows up till the moment their all out on the lawn singing the National Anthem, Eddie’s a madcap of stupidity and surprising heart.  While he kidnaps Clark’s boss because he can’t get Clark anything else for Christmas and in a mad rage, Clark says that that’s the thing he wants most; he also challenges the validity of Clark telling the kids that the National Weather Service has spotted Santa on radar.  That’s Cousin Eddie, and we wouldn’t have him any other way.

Best Scene: Shopping with Clark before Christmas. 

6 - Tommy Callahan - TOMMY BOY (1995)

Taken from us way too early, as so many comedians seem to be, Chris Farley’s career defining turn as the lovable loser Tommy Callahan still rings as one of the funniest characters of all time.  Joined at the hip to David Spade while on SNL, Farley racked up hit character after hit character and was known for his jovial characters suddenly going nuts and expounding at full volume (“in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!”).  But when he made the jump to leading man in Tommy Boy, his biggest moments came when he used his boyish wonderment to provide earnest feelings.  Not to mention that Tommy is one of the most quotable SNL characters to ever make it to the big screen.

Best Scene: Tommy’s disaster filled brake scenario in the sales meeting.

5 - Kelly - THE GIRL NEXT DOOR (2004)

When it came out in 2004, The Girl Next Door was this little comedy that was actually one of those movies that’s sum was greater the its parts.  Sure it boasted mega-hottie Elisha Cuthbert as a porn star and a bitchin’ soundtrack, but it was buoyed further by a likable performance from new comer Emile Hirsch and an outrageously over the top turn from Chris Marquette as best buddy Eli.  

But it was Timothy Olyphant’s role as Kelly the porn pimp that gave blew everything out of the water for this one.  Prior to this film, Olyphant was best known for some minor roles in GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS and GO, but this is what vaulted him into the stratosphere as a true leading man.  Kelly’s role could have been a completely unfeeling jerk, and from the moment he steps on screen, you don’t know what to make of him.  But the beauty of Olyphant’s performance, whether friendly or diabolical, is that he does everything with complete confidence and doesn't waste a second thinking about how anyone will respond to him.  

Best Scene: Visiting a strip club with Matthew and Danielle.

4 - The Channel 4 News Team - ACHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY (2004)

Easily the hardest to rank in my list, not only because out of everyone else these guys are hands down the most quotable members of the group, but also because I’m totally cheating by lumping in all four of them into one slot.  Nevertheless, the combination of Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell, and David Koechner as Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland, amd Champ Kind will live in infamy as pure comedic gold.  Produced as a throwaway summer comedy, Anchorman became a generational sensation when it debuted in 2004, not only boosting the careers of every single person in it, but also creating a viable presence for these types of films at every major studio.

And at the helm of the mayhem was Adam McKay, Ferrell’s longtime buddy and writing partner, who rightfully became a sought after writer-director following the films success.  Introduced to us with a combination of voice over narration and fourth wall breaking direct talking to the camera, the Channel 4 News Team became an iconic comedy team, with everyone of them handily covering their area of the joke, these guys set a new bar in comedy.

Best Scene: The Street Fight Royal Rumble.

3 - Clark Griswold - NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION (1983)

Creating an iconic character that will endure not only an entire career, but three separate sequels in two separate decades is no small feat, luckily Chase is no average actor.  Almost making the list twice as the equally enduring Fletch (although in the end, I decided that Fletch is more cooler than cool than hysterically funny), Chase has made a career out of creating incredibly over the top performances from mundane situations.  From his early days on SNL, to his current days on Community, Chase still has the market cornered on lovable loser striving to be the hero.

So it was that his performance as Clark Griswold, the hapless family man who allows his desire to give his family the ultimate summer vacation deteriorate into a kamikaze mission from hell, that puts Chase near the top of the list.  Every moment that he’s on screen, Chase infuses Clark with so much manic energy that he’s just as funny while naively asking for directions in a ghetto as when he’s flirting with Christie Brinkley using a urine drenched sandwich.  In the end, what makes Griswold so enduring is that he truly is doing everything he does all in the name of his family.

Best Scene: Clark finally losing it and taking the Wally World guard hostage.

2 - Miracle Max - THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987)

Every once and a while a movie comes along and breaks away from conventional form only to become a generational icon.  For everyone from my generation, that film was the Princess Bride, because I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever met anyone my age who’s never seen it.  Plus, it has such an odd combination of action, comedy, and romance that makes it so unique.  Held together by an impeccable cast that includes everyone from Columbo to a professional wrestler, Rob Reiner created one of the most enduring family films of all time with this wonderful fairy tale.

However, no matter how good everyone else was in this film, and they were all at the top of their game, no one lays a finger on the incredible Billy Crystal and his wonderfully over the top performance as Miracle Max. He’s only on screen for less than ten minutes, but every moment counts because he’s so freaking funny (set note: not only did Reiner have to leave the set during filming because Crystal was too funny, Miracle Max was responsible for the film’s only injury as Mandy Patinkin broke a rib trying to prevent laughing on set).  Add in his pitch perfect report with Carol Kane as his wife, and Max stands at the top of the heap of iconic hysterical mythical witch doctors.

Best Scene: Examining Wesley (pretty much the only one he was in).

1 - Dr. Peter Venkman - GHOST BUSTERS (1984)

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, if so whatever necessitated Dan Aykroyd to write this gem of a movie deserves a long overdue thank you from millions of loyal fans.  Thought of during production as a bit of an underdog with way too difficult of a plot to attract audiences, Ghost Busters did not generate the highest of hopes during its production.  Those fears were soon put to bed, not only by the hype the fictional advertisement/teaser for the film created but also as it became a bona fide hit during the summer of 1984.  The strength of the piece was the camaraderie of the three leads and how easily you believed that these guys could get together and do these things.

But it was Bill Murray’s performance of Dr. Peter Venkman (“I have degrees in psychology and para-psychology.”) that became the one to beat for funniest role. Played with equal parts aplomb and wise-ass disinterest as only Murray can do, Venkman is compulsively watchable the minute he steps on screen. While Aykroyd’s earnest portrayal if Ray gave the film its heart and Harold Ramis’ deadpan turn as Egon gave the film its believability, Murray delivered knock-out one liners again and again as the film just kept coming at you.  To top it all off, Venkman’s absolute confidence that he is a lady’s man, all the while looking like Bill Murray in 1984.  

Best Scene: Negotiating in the Mayor’s office.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: (not ranked)

Coach - SAVING SILVERMAN (2001) played by R. Lee Emery

Kirk Lazarus - TROPIC THUNDER (2008) played by Robert Downey Jr.

Broken Lizard - BEERFEST (2006) played by Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, and Erik Stolhanske

Barf - SPACEBALLS (1987) played by John Candy

Melvin Udall - AS GOOD AS IT GETS (1997) played by Jack Nicholson

Det. Phoebe Ohara - KINDERGARTEN COP (1990) played by Pamela Reed

Lenny Haise - THAT THING YOU DO (1996) played by Steve Zahn

Neal Patrick Harris - HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE (2004) played by Neil Patrick Harris

Corky St. Clair - WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996) played by Christopher Guest

Derek Zoolander - ZOOLANDER (2001) played by Ben Stiller

Celebrate Thanksgiving with Kyle's Top Ten Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episodes

It’s Thanksgiving again; one of my favorite times of the year. The weather has cooled down, football is in full swing, and we can all sit down as a family to stuff ourselves to a level of comedic absurdity. While this is all well and good, Thanksgiving has only ever meant one thing to me--Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was on that Turkey day every late November that my family would travel to my grandparents’, a magical place with riches unforetold at the Radford household, namely, cable.  While the family would crowd around the living room to eat, watch football, and enjoy each other’s company, a young Kyle would hunker down in the back room and watch every single minute of MST3K’s annual Turkey Day Marathon. It was the time every year where not only was my sense of humor being formed, but also validated. Do I enjoy the comedy I do because of MST3K or did that wonderful show speak to something already inside of me? I’d like to think it was a little of both, but I’m sure Joel, Mike, and the robots had a lot more influence than I’ll ever realize.

For the uninitiated, the show’s premise is a simple one (beautifully laid out in the opening credits song); a man is marooned in space on a ship, The Satellite of Love, and forced to watch terrible movies. To keep his sanity the man (Joel Hodgson in the early seasons and after he left the show, Mike Nelson) has built wise cracking robots that watch the movies with him and help make jokes at the screen. Episodes lasted a glorious two hours, with the movies being interrupted by periodic “host segments” where Mike/Joel and the bots would leave the theater to perform skits of varying success. 

This November marks the 25^th anniversary of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and to commemorate this the show’s creator, Joel Hodgson, will be hosting a six episode Turkey Day marathon online at MST2KTurkeyDay.com. This should go without saying, but I’ll be glued to my iPad under the dinner table this year, and I would encourage everyone else to check it out as well. For those of you who missed the nineties completely, this would be a great opportunity to ignore your family and discover this national treasure of a show. If you like what you see, Netflix has a small selection of episodes streaming and fans of the show (MSTies) have uploaded tons of full episodes on YouTube.

It’s in that spirit that I thought I’d share my favorite 10 MST3K episodes. These movies represent some of the funniest out there, most of which highlight what I think are the great final few years.

10. Pod People, 1983

ET, eat your heart out.

Official Description:   A young boy discovers a lovable alien creature in the woods, but the alien's mother is on the prowl. 

Watch the full movie here.

9. This Island Earth, 1955 (MST3K: The Movie)

Don't stare at his forehead. Don't stare at his forehead.

Official Description: Two mortals trapped in outer space... challenging the unearthly furies of an outlaw planet gone mad!

This one is streaming on Netflix, and you can find it in pieces on YouTube here. 

8. Soultaker, 1990

Don't adjust your sets, kids, that's Martin Sheen's brother, Joe Esteves.

Official Description: Four teenagers are killed in a car accident. Two of the teenagers refuse to go with "The Grim Reaper" and a race between life and death ensues!

Watch the full movie here. 

7. The Phantom Planet, 1961

Still looks better than the prequels.

Official Description: After an invisible asteroid draws an astronaut and his ship to its surface, he is miniaturized by the phantom planet's exotic atmosphere.  

Watch the full movie here. 

6. Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, 1996

Not pictured: Ernest Borgnine who also stars in this "movie".

Official Description: Two creepy "horror" films joined together by Merlin's Shop which is, in turn, introduced by a Grandpa telling the story.

Watch the full movie here.

5. Manos: The Hands of Fate, 1966

Not a snuff film. I promise.

Official Description:  A family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.

Truly one of the worst movies every made...I'd work my way up to watching Manos.

Watch the full movie here.

4. Werewolf, 1995

Yes, that's a werewolf driving a car.

Official Description: Unscrupulous archaeologists try to take advantage of an outbreak of lycanthropy prompted by the discovery of a werewolf skeleton in the Arizona desert.

Watch the full movie here.

3. The Final Sacrifice, 1990

That's our hero, folks. Canadian badass Zap Rowsdower.

Official Description: Fleeing from the cult that murdered his father, a teen is aided in his quest to find the lost city of the fabled Ziox by a secretive drifter.

Watch the full movie here.

2. The Pumaman, 1980

The superhero is able to fly...like a real puma.

Official Description: Professor Tony Farms discovers that he is really Puma Man, a superhero who is descended from the gods. Together with an Aztec priest, they try to thwart the plans of Kobras, who is in possession of the sacred puma mask, and plans to hypnotize government leaders with it and take over the world.

Watch the full movie here.

1. Space Mutiny, 1988

I could post a thousand pictures from this movie. Please watch it.

Official Description: A pilot is the only hope to stop the mutiny of a spacecraft by its security crew, who plot to sell the crew of the ship into slavery.

Watch the full movie here.