Monday, December 13, 2010

Brandon's Top 15 Christmas Movies

Brandon decided to get in on the fun. Let us know what you think of his obviously wrong choices! -K



Brandon’s Top Christmas Movies:

In honor of the cooperative spirit that dominates over here at SpoilerAlert, I thought the best way to celebrate Kyle’s list of his favorite Christmas movies was by calling it crap and attempting to interject my own ideas.  There will be some overlaps of course, but hope you enjoy! And for those of you keeping score at home, you’ll notice that It’s A Wonderful Life didn’t make either of our lists.




15) Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)
            You gotta love the ’80s!  Here’s the premise for this one:  we open with the death of the couple that will eventually become Santa and Mrs. Claus over a hundred years ago by freezing in a surprise blizzard on their way to deliver toys to the village kids.  After being granted immortality by a vaguely defined being, Santa is all set until a century mark passes and his head elf strikes a deal with an evil toy manufacturer out to eliminate Santa in an extreme hostile take over bid.  Not only could film this not even be made today, this thing probably isn’t even shown anymore because of the intense psychological damage it inflicts upon children.  Thank God I saw it in the theater!




14) Reindeer Games 
            Calm down internet whiners, yes I know this movie sucks.  In fact it, sucks so bad Kevin Smith had Affleck and Damon trounce it during their scene in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.  In fact, it sucks so bad, its almost good.  Not only does the plot make absolutely no sense (is anyone in this turkey actually who they say they are?) and not only is the acting so bad that you can see the actors (two eventual Oscar winners in the mix, btw) reading the cue cards, but the ultimate slap in the face from this one is the climax with twenty drunken Santas being involved in a shoot out at a casino.  That’s holiday cheer.




13) Die Hard 2  
            Everyone gives this flick crap for being the worst of the series, and maybe it is, but its still a timeless holiday tradition in my household.  Two years after the first one takes place, old McClane gets caught up in another melee, not only for his wife’s sake but also for all the passengers inside the airplanes that are put in harm’s way over Washington, DC.  While not as good as the first, this installment does give us the required Willis one-liners, as well as the “icicle through the bad guy’s eye” scene that I know defined my generation.  Merry Christmas, Mr. Falcon!




12) Elf
            Its funny, because when I was visiting New York City the year before this came out, I actually met Will Ferrel on a street corner, filming a scene for this movie.  Not only is he a lot taller in person than you’d think, he’s one of the nicest guys as he was patiently shaking hands with all of us in between takes, and he had to do it all standing around in that outfit.  When it came out, I was taken by the warmth that this movie brought to what could have been such a cynical endeavor, and it also gave us a glimpse into the director that John Favreau would become.




11) Scrooged
            Right in the hey day of Bill Murray’s transformation from smart aleck to jack ass, this film attempted to retro fit Charles Dickens’ masterpiece with a late eighties feel, and give old Scrooge a good comeuppance as well as a change of heart.  I love the fact that it simply doesn’t accomplish that.  Even when Frank Cross invades his TV studio and begins his road to being a whole person, he’s still the jack ass that he was in the beginning of the film.  He’s doing the same things he’s always done, just instead of picking on his employees, he’s picking on the network brass.   However, its just good fun to see Murray in these kinds of roles.




10) Batman Returns
            Having watched this film recently, I will attest to its serious flaws.  The ambitious Penguin character is at times very difficult to watch, and I submit this sucker starts jumping sharks right around the time the Penguin is addressing his army of birds like a little Patton.  However, there is some good in here, such as Keaton’s always welcome turn as the Dark Knight, a Catwoman costume that will live in infamy, and of course Christopher Walken, basically just playing himself with less money.  All in all though, this film is what happens when studios let Tim Burton have complete editorial control on his films.




9) Ernest Saves Christmas
            I admit it, I’m a huge Jim Varney fan, and a huge Ernest fan.  The time he saved camp is still a pivotal moment in my childhood.  And while this film was inferior to his first one in so many ways, I always liked their take on the Santa character, in that it was one man who did the job until he got too old, and he had to find a good man to serve as his successor.  Add in that I had a crush on Noelle Parker who played Harmony, and this film serves as a nostalgic holiday blast from the past.  




8) A Christmas Carol (1984)
            This made for television version of Dickens’ tale is my favorite, and probably only because of George C. Scott’s turn as Scrooge.  We all know the wonderful story of the miserly old bully who gets three ghostly visitors and changes his ways, but its Scott’s take on Scrooge before he changes his life that cracks me up.  Best dialogue: “Bah, don’t beg on this corner boy!” in response to a young boy wishing him Merry Christmas.




7) The Santa Clause
            Tim Allen’s take on old St. Nick will forever be remembered for the incredible make up effects used to turn a network television star into Santa.  Add in David Krumholtz’s Bernard the Elf, and there are actually some jokes in here that work really well. Even though the kid is pretty annoying, and Judge Rienhold’s therapist stepfather bit goes on way too long, this little slice of holiday cheer is still pretty good.




6) The Family Stone
            While its not the plucky comedy that its trailer billed it to be, this film has a heart and a determination that is impossible to resist.  Add in some completely unexpected performances (most notable Dermot Mulroney and Luke Wilson, both going way above their normal levels), and you’ve got a holiday movie that is more than just fluff.  Unfortunately, because Hollywood studios believe us to be idiots incapable of handling dramatic stories, this film introduced the “characters fall down to lighten the moment” trick anytime the story gets heavy.  Still a great movie though, and if you’ve never seen it check it out, best family dinner scene of all time.




5) Love Actually
            I am an unashamed fan of any movie that brings us Martine McCutcheon, who played the lovable Natalie (“Would… we call her chubby?”) in this great holiday film.  Even though there are way too many story lines here; including Collin going over to America to score with stupid but gorgeous women, and the porn stand-ins that can be naked together but are too shy to actually ask each other out; tell me you don’t get revved up when Jamie is touring the streets looking for his beloved Aurelia.  And of course, Bill Nighy’s naughty Billy Mack is hysterical every moment he’s on film.  




4) Lethal Weapon
            Although it only peripherally is a Christmas film, I ask what visual encapsulates the spirit of Christmas more that the Murtaugh’s living room, decked out in full holiday regalia and bursting with cheer, right before Gary Busey’s psychotic drug dealer smashes a patrol car thought it? That iconic shot of Mel Gibson chasing the bad guys on foot is back dropped with LA’s Christmas decorations, and in fact the introduction to Martin Riggs occurs at a Christmas tree lot.  All I know is that every year after this movie came out, my brothers and I would go out on the front lawn, destroy a fire hydrant, and then have a no holds barred jujitsu fight while cops gathered but did nothing to stop us.  Awe, timeless holiday traditions…




3) Home Alone
            Perhaps the quintessential Christmas film, this little comedy about a seven year old that is left to fend off two bumbling burglars still stands the test of time.  I have seen this movie over twenty times, and I still crack up once Harry and Marv start getting the crap kicked out of them. My favorite scene though, is right before the zaniness, when Kevin finally talks to Old Man Marley.  Not only does this moment give Kevin his first grasp on the dynamics of family, it gives this film its heart, all the while being accompanied by a vocal rendition of Oh Holy Night.  




2) National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
            A timeless tradition in my house, Christmas just isn’t  Christmas until you spend it with the Griswolds.  Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswold, the bumbling head of the household, who’s just trying to do everything in his power to give his family the Christmas they deserve, is knocked down time and time again, only to finally pull it off by the final reel.  Add in Randy Quaids iconic Cousin Eddie, and you’ve got more holiday cheer than you ever signed on for.  Responsible for more quotes than any other film on this list, its good to know that some traditions never change.




1) Die Hard
            Not only is this my favorite Christmas Movie, its my favorite film of all time, and honestly, who can blame me?  Bruce Willis’ career defining role as John McClane not only catapulted him into stardom, it created a cottage industry for the “everyman just caught up in an extraordinary circumstance” genre.  But with McTiernan’s direction and Alan Rickman’s wonderfully over the top performance as Hans Gruber, this film became the standard for action films to beat.  And at the end of the day, all McClane cares about is saving his wife, and isn’t family what Christmas is truly all about?

Honorable Mention:

Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987)
            Too short to make the list of movies, I would be remiss without giving a shout out to one of my favorites, this television special that is also known as the California Raisins’ Christmas Special.  Not only giving us the coolest version of We Three Kings of all time, this half hour special is very, very funny as it follows Herb and Rex, two arguing dinosaurs, as they try and figure out the meaning of Christmas.  Although they were just a fad from the eighties, I still love it when the Raisins show up and set everybody straight.

Merry Christmas to all!

B

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Kyle's Christmas Favorites

Well, it's that time of year again. The stockings are hung, the mistletoe is...hung and the decorations are...crap. Anyway, I thought I'd help kick off the holiday season with a list of a few favorites. Post your thoughts/hate mail in the comments section!


15.  A Christmas Story

It’s not a Christmas movie list without A Christmas Story. TBS has done its part ruining the luster of this classic, so you have to remember how good it used to be. I always felt superior because I already had a BB gun and had only been hit by a ricochet once (and not in the eye). My mom must have been a fan too, because I couldn’t go outside to shoot my gun without hearing “be careful or you’ll shoot your eye out.” Also, why didn’t our mall Santa have a cool slide like that? Has anyone ever seen anything like that?



14. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

It’s nowhere near as well done as the first Home Alone, but I can’t resist the exploits of Kevin McAllister and the Wet (now Sticky) Bandits. The best part of this movie was the Talk Boy, a walkman-like toy where you could record sounds and play them down marginally slower or slightly faster. My brother and I both got Talk Boys for Christmas that year and I thought it was just about the coolest thing ever. Also, I’ll always be a sucker for watching Marv and Harry tortured in Kevin’s house of traps.







13. The Christmas Toy


This was a made for TV movie out of Jim Henson’s studio in the early 90s, I think. This Muppet-like story was a fixture in the Radford household. Kermit makes a brief appearance at the beginning and end, but other than that, it’s all new puppet creations. The Christmas Toy was really the original Toy Story, showing what happens to children’s toys when the kids leave the room and the toys come alive. It’s Christmas time in the playroom and all of the toys are nervous as to what their owners will be getting for Christmas, fearing replacement (sound familiar). There’s a darker element here at work; if toys are seen alive by humans they freeze forever, essentially dying. Seeing one of the toys “die” and be carted off to the closet by the other toys killed me as a kid.







12. Batman Returns




Batman Returns hasn’t exactly stood the test of time. Upon re-viewing Burton’s second Batman film, it comes off a little stupid and very different from what we’ve all come to know as the Caped Crusader in recent years. That being said it’s still a very fun movie that happens around Christmas time. I know, I know, Christmas isn’t really the theme of Batman Returns, but I saw a chance to throw a Dark Knight reference in and I took it.



11. Gremlins




Gremlins proves that I’m not a total sap when it comes to Christmas movies. I think the fact that Joe Dante set this movie around Christmas is what makes it a classic to me. If you want to know the brilliance of Gremlins, just watch the scene where Phoebe Cates describes her special Christmas memory.



10. Love Actually

I’m a pansy, I know. I like this movie. I actually watch it a lot (that has more to do with Kayla than anything, but I’m not complaining). Not every storyline is interesting to me…I really couldn’t care less about Liam Neason’s dead wife…but every time Bill Nighy is onscreen I laugh. Just the thought of him calling himself “Uncle Bill” is making me smile right now. It’s a big, commercial holiday movie that was designed to make women get together and cry/laugh. Works on me too. 



9. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

I think it’s the music and the animation that wins me over here. When I was younger, I don’t think I appreciated this movie as much as I do now. I just remember picking Rudolph over the Grinch to watch a lot. Of course, I didn’t like asparagus when I was a kid either. It was probably after seeing the TERRIBLE live action movie with Jim Carrey that made me appreciate the 60’s cartoon adaptation of Dr. Suess’ story. Let me be clear--I will never watch the Jim Carrey version again. 





8. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

I have no problem with the remake (although I’m not sure we needed one), but if I’m going to watch a take on this story, it’s the original. Here’s a movie that was made over 60 years ago and hasn’t aged a day. There’s a sweetness in Edmund Gwenn’s obviously mentally unstable Kris that didn’t quite make the translation to the modern remake. Either way, it’s a great story that makes me want to visit New York at Christmas. I'm also not too sure about the dubious legal precedence that's established at the end.



7. The Santa Clause

Tim Allen is a bad actor. He’s wooden, his dialog sounds like he’s reading it for the first time, and you always get the feeling that he’s laughing along with the joke. Somehow, the Santa Clause overcomes all of that with its charm and turns the tool man into Saint Nick. His transformation, makeup-wise, is pretty remarkable if you pay attention to it. Sure, the computer effects are dated, but the prosthetics believably turn a 40-year-old average Joe into Santa. Of course, that’s not why I love this movie. I’m just a fan of weenie whistles.



6. Elf

It’s no small feat to create a modern day holiday classic and Elf is just that. I don’t think anyone can deny that it’s hilarious and a perfect movie for the entire family. Will Farrell’s wide-eyed wonder plays perfect for the character of Buddy the Elf (what’s your favorite color?) as he navigates his way through NYC. Sure, it gets a little syrupy towards the end, but hey, it’s a kids’ movie. Besides, any chance to see Ed Asner as a grumpy Santa is welcome.




5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation


Christmas Vacation is a holiday tradition in many households around the country, but it never was in mine. I had to move out of the house before this one ever became regular holiday viewing. I guess we stuck more to the kid-friendly standards in our house. No matter how I found this movie, once I did, I was hooked. The manic escapades of Clark W. Griswold only slightly exaggerate everyone’s holiday experience. We never cut down our own tree, and to my knowledge, my Uncle Johnny never kidnapped Dad’s boss but we did have lights that wouldn’t work, annoying relatives who overstayed their welcome and big, ridiculous sweaters.



4. The Nightmare Before Christmas

“Mind-warping crap.” That’s what my dad called The Nightmare Before Christmas when I told him that I wanted to see it. Lucky for me a group of us went to see it for Nathan Schroeder’s 11th birthday, or I may never have experienced one of my favorite musicals of all time. The great thing about this movie is you can make a case for it to be watched twice a year (not that I need the actual corresponding holiday to watch any movie on my list). Every time I see Nightmare I’m amazed by the quality of the music, the amount of heart, and the astounding production design. I would never have the patience to do stop motion, but thank goodness for people who do.



3. Die Hard

Nothing says Christmas cheer like mowing down Eurotrash terrorist with a machine gun. Every holiday should have one kick-ass action movie. The Fourth of July has Independence Day, Halloween has every horror movie ever made and even Easter has Passion II: The Reckoning. It’s nice to see someone in a Santa hat crack some sculls. Before I ever realized Die Hard was a Christmas movie, I knew it was one of the greatest things I’d ever seen. It takes me back to the days of watching the Sunday night movie on network TV with my dad and being allowed to stay up an hour past my bed time to watch a heavily-edited version of yuletide mayhem.



2. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Can you love the Muppets enough? Not in my book. The Christmas Carol is one of my favorite stories, and, Lord knows, the Muppets are my favorite actors (they’re real), so it stands to reason that pairing the two would be pure holiday bliss. Fans of the book will have to agree that, apart from Bob Cratchet being a frog married to a pig, this is one of the most faithful adaptations of Dickens’ classic. With plenty of Muppet humor to spare, this movie is required holiday viewing. 



1. Home Alone

I’m just a sucker for people getting hit in the balls, what can I say? Growing up, this was THE Christmas movie. November, December, July—it didn’t matter when, our Home Alone VHS was going in the VCR. Kevin McAllister was like a folk hero to us kids. He went to the store, decorated the house himself, and came damn close to fatally injuring two grown men. I was terrified of burglars as a little kid, but this movie helped me calm my fears by convincing myself that A.) they would be lovable misfits like Marv and Harry and B.) I could easily outwit them with a few well-placed glass bulbs. 

Merry Christmas, everyone!




Saturday, October 30, 2010

Celebrate Halloween with a Scream Podcast


 Well folks, this has been a long time coming, but here we are with Podcast #2. We admit it, we went out drinking and didn't get on the ball posting this one, but right in time for Halloween the Spoiler Alert guys take a look back at the 90's classic Scream. Brandon and Kyle recount tales from their youth and we find out just how much of pansies these two really are. Just gotta warn everyone, we recorded this podcast many months ago, so some of the Scream 4 information is a little outdated, but what do you want...it's free.

So sit back, set out the carved pumpkin and enjoy the Spoiler Alert take on Scream.

Click link to download:

 Scream Podcast

(If you're having trouble downloading the link, just right click on it and select "save link as".)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Indiana Jones Podcast


Join Brandon and I as we don our fedora, whip and man-purse and tackle the four Indiana Jones movies! It's a tale of action, adventure and weird rubber skulls as Indy and the gang traverse the globe, stealing priceless artifacts from their rightful owners.

Podcast #1

or

Indiana Jones Quadrilogy.mp3

(If you're having trouble downloading either link, just right click on one and select "save link as". Happy listening! -K) 

First Post

Alright everyone, our first podcast is officially in the bag. Editing took a little longer than we anticipated so thanks for being patient with us. Just a warning, during the podcast the sound is a little crazy at times. It turns out I don't know how to hold a mic without creating a bunch of annoying background noise. I promise to do a better job in the future. As soon as I figure out how to load this thing I'll post it with a little discription for the world to enjoy. Tell your friends!

-Kyle