The Five Ways Film Editing Lies To You

The old adage goes that a film gets made three times: once when its written, once when its shot, and once when its edited.  Is it just me or does this sound an awful lot like those ridiculous high school group projects where inevitably someone comes up with an idea, everyone else screws around all class, and then the one guy who cares about his grade comes in and fixes everything to be made presentable and respected?

Brownnoser

Editing is an incredibly complicated and hugely important part of the film making process.  For the three people in world who don’t know how films are made, numerous shots are filmed and then the editor puts it all together to look great.  That iconic shower scene in Psycho was an amalgamation of various takes just to get Janet Leigh’s eye absolutely perfect, and then it was edited down to the taunt thrilling sequence that we all know and love.  Anytime you hear someone say the phrase, “We’ll fix that in post,” they’re talking about the legacy of editing (or you’re on the set of Glee).

And even though editing has brought plenty to the table in the world of film, I can’t help but feel that its taking a little away as well. To be specific, editing is falsifying the already fictional world of movies and perpetrating a fraud on the American people! Just to be clear, I’m not knocking Lightstorm Entertainment for creating Pandora out of matte paintings and CGI, that’s special effects being used to create an artificial environment and further the plot (and make James Cameron even bigger crap-loads of money).  No, my beef lies more with the editing process continuing to screw with that last delicate fabric of trust the American moviegoer still has left in their heart.

So here they are, The Five Ways Film Editing Lies To You:

1) YOUR PUNCHES WILL SOUND LIKE ATOM BOMBS

Somewhere along the line, it was decided that real punching noises were a little too mundane for most audiences and instead of the normal sound of a fist hitting a face, we needed a sound effect that would shake the earth.  I would have loved to have been in that first meeting when the studio heads decided to start ratcheting movie punches up the Richter Scale, and that one old timer saw the dailies and thought, “what the hell is that noise every time these guys smack each other?“  Some movies don’t even use elaborated fist noises at all and are throwing all kinds of things into the mix to inject this sound with more and more energy.  In fact, when they filmed Raiders of the Lost Ark, the Foley artists would strike a pile of leather jackets with a baseball bat to simulate Indiana Jones’ punches.

           

“When I crack my knuckles, people flee.”

 The problem is that when thousands of unsuspecting viewers see this on film, it can be misleading when they start equating epic avalanche noises with a right cross instead of the dull quiet smack a proper punch makes (Herein lies my theory on why boxing is losing it’s popularity in almost every demographic.  I’m just saying, if every time Pacquiao hit someone my speakers blew from raw awesomeness, there would be no UFC)  Not only that, but this audacious fallacy of truth creates a gigantic hole in many viewers’ childhoods.  Suppose they get up the courage to haul back and roundhouse their older brother and it unfortunately sounds a lot more like dropping an apple onto a pillow and a lot less like the third trumpet of the Apocalypse that they had pinned their hopes to?  That not only shatters their unfounded trust in the world of film, but usually leads to a substantial beat down.  What’s worse is that the Indiana Jones films aren’t the only culprits here, in fact they’re hardly the worst offenders.  The top prize in this category easily goes to the mythical land of boxing films and the odyssey of Rocky Balboa (not counting Rocky 5, which I’m convinced was some sort of propaganda sent from an evil alien race trying to vanquish the human spirit) is probably the biggest bomb-punch offender out there.  In fact, in the finale of the third film, the trumpet blasts of the musical score are timed to coincide with Rocky’s punches as he chops down the evil that is Clubber Lane.

           

Musical Beat Down

I suppose that it is worth nothing that some recent films are trying to correct this trend by presenting fisticuffs in a more realistic way, most notably recent fighting sports movies (The Fighter and Warrior) or movies centered around gritty realism (Fight Club).  However, even with these examples, the over done punch is still one of editing’s favorite lies.

2) YOU CAN SEE ANYTHING IF YOU SQUINT HARD ENOUGH

It’s a movie staple to have that one scene in the film in which a character is completely out of luck, time, hope, whatever; and they look up and see that one thing that saves the day, illuminates the mystery, makes the hot chick fall in love, and so on.  This scene has been in done over and over again in movies for the last sixty years, and trust me when I say that it isn’t going anywhere any time soon.  And I’m okay with that.  I have no problem with this scene used as a plot device, as it is effective in building tension and almost always makes the payoff in the final act that much better.  I mean, can you imagine how bad The Usual Suspects would be if after Kevin Spacey finishes his story, Chazz Palminteri sees the “Quartet” sign on the bulletin board only to turn around and laughingly say, “That’s a good one Keyser, but seriously we’ve known who you are the whole time.”

Buhwhaaaat??

My issue with this scene is that sometimes when it is used to facilitate this plot device, the character is suddenly required to develop super-human vision just by squinting at whatever the hell the writer has them interested in.  Less than thirty minutes into Carlito’s Way (working title: It‘s Not Scarface, We Swear!), Pacino is able to thwart an ambush during a botched drug deal by seeing the upcoming attack in another gangster’s mirrored sunglasses.  Even with De Palma setting the scene with his usual pacing and grandeur, its still a little difficult to believe.  I’m just saying, give that one a try sometime; have your friend slap on a pair of Ray-Bans and look at you, and then see if you can recognize a freaking stop sign in the background let alone a gangland assassination attempt.  If you have no friends, and by definition no Ray-Bans, then try it in your studio apartment with a recently rinsed off spoon.  Pretty hard, right? And that’s with knowing what you’re looking for.  However, because the plot requires this from our lead character, he suddenly has hawk-like vision for those ten seconds.

My point is that the human eye simply doesn’t work that fast or that well, but in order to hold the audience’s hand and walk them through the film, the editing has to use a series of close ups to show what the character is going through.  And once again, when tried in the real world, this technique of squeezing your eyelids ever so slightly together in order to acquire super-human vision just doesn’t hold up.   It’s also a little frustrating  to realize every time I was inconvenienced by not being able to read the overpass signs on a freeway, that if only the story called for it and the editing was good enough, I would have been able to see the electrons flying around the atoms that make up my steering wheel.

3) ANYONE CAN BE ANYTHING, AT ANY TIME

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall and that moment arrived when Mila Kunis brushes off Jason Segel’s attempt to buy the next round saying, “You don’t need to dote on me, I’m not that kind of girl.”  All I could do was stare at the screen thinking, “Holy Crap, she is so… FICTITIOUS!!”

Unobtainium

Every girl likes to be doted on!  In fact, every human likes to be doted on.  Think back to the last time someone did something nice for you, just because you’re a good person or they are your friend (and if you can’t participate in this exercise, then you need to quit reading this article and get your life together).  You don’t think, “Well, thanks but I really didn’t ask for this.”  You think, “Wow! Sure I’m over thirty years old and writing silly internet articles, but you brought me a slushy? Well, its just coming up me today!”

But this is merely a plot device for a fictional character to behave in a fictional way in order to move the story along.  That’s simply the writer and actors doing their jobs, and rightfully using their tradecraft in proper ways.  What I’m referring to is when editing is used to make someone into something completely different than what they truly are. When Matt Damon wowed the world as an angst ridden genius named Will Hunting, everyone wondered if perhaps the film was a tad bit autobiographical, seeing how Damon and his character were the same age, had the same background, and behaved in probably similar ways. However, when he was cast as an amnesiac killing machine in the Bourne Identity, no one honestly thought that Damon could become a one man wrecking crew, simply because that’s not how we had seen him before.  However, add in a little fast editing and that one guy jumping out of the window to kill himself before being questioned, and suddenly everyone is leaving the theater talking about what a badass Matt Damon has become.  And sure, he trained for the film and probably gleaned some knowledge about how to move as a fighter in order to make the action look plausible.  But he didn’t walk off the set after the wrap party and immediately let his bodyguards go because they were no longer necessary.

 “I’ll take it from here, boys!”

The extremely fast editing in that film is what sells you on the concept that Damon could take on seven embassy marines and dispatch all of them in quick succession (that and the irrefutable movie logic that if you’re in a group fight and you strike any opponent on any part of their body, they are then vanquished and must spend the rest of the fight either unconscious or in agony).  The reason that this fallacy is a problem is that poor unsuspecting moviegoers are allowing themselves to get drawn into altercations with way too many opponents, usually on playgrounds, believing that if they move fast enough in their minds’ eye then they’ll triumph over the odds.  Emergency room reports indicate that this is simply not the case.

4) YOU CAN USE A MONTAGE IN REAL TIME

A montage is a perfectly acceptable film tool used to gloss over a period of time in order to condense a drawn out process into a two hour movie.  Mostly notably, it is a staple of almost every sports film used to illustrate the protagonist’s improvement, or in a heist film where it is used to show the team getting ready to pull off the big score.  However, it has been known to sneak into other genres as well, usually just to progress the timeline and get the characters to the point of the story they need to be at, as in The Breakfast Club.  As a lover of action films, I’m all for a good montage, as long as its done correctly.  For instance, the aforementioned Rocky films have one montage written into every script as a mandatory part of those films’ winning formula.

It ain’t broke, so we ain’t fixin’ it!

As any fan of the Eighties knows, a montage works if the improvement is believable and the music is awesome (actually only that second one has to be true).  We take it as a movie truth that with the right soundtrack, anyone can improve at anything and we don’t have to spend the months watching them do it.  However there is a new “montage” that is making its way into films that is a whole new animal, and quite frankly I don‘t care for it.  These new montage sequences are being shown in a variety of ways that make no sense and are interwoven with characters doing things in real time.  Case in point, in The Departed, there is a scene where Madolyn is jolted when she checks the mail and finds a letter to her boyfriend from her lover Billy Costigan.  In a fit of indecision, she wonders what to do.  Suddenly the film cuts to a series of quick cuts which I submit constitute a shower montage right in the middle of the scene.  She’s looking at the envelope and suddenly her boyfriend shucks his clothes, get the water hot, jumps into the shower, and slams back the curtain. Right away she knows she has the time to commit a federal offense and open his mail to find out how big the wages of her sin have become.  The problem with this scene is that the whole time he’s getting into the shower, she’s just standing there looking at the envelope.  When’s the last time you ever saw someone other than a professional athlete shuck their clothes and be under the water in less than ten seconds?  That process could take up to fifteen to twenty minutes in most households and even longer in some cases. Think I’m just splitting hairs? Time your spouse or roommate next time they’re headed to the shower and you have to pee; you’re talking a half hour before they’re good and under the water before you can get in there and provide your bladder sweet relief. 

And she just drank a liter of cola.

Other films are guilty of this misuse of montages as well.  One of Shawn of the Dead’s running gags is that Shawn is so distracted by his mundane life that he misses an entire zombie outbreak; and lo and behold as the days go by, his morning routine dwindles into a twenty second mini montage that shows him doing the same things over and over again.  Yet every time he comes down stairs the same news broadcast is playing from when he woke up. How long is that anchor talking, forty-five minutes?  I’m sorry, I’m pretty quick to get ready in the morning (Honestly, there‘s not a lot of improvement to be done here), but even I need a half hour or so to go from dead sleep to facing the day.  In the interest of full disclosure, if I’m waking up after a major holiday, or pretty much any Saturday, well then I’ll need four hours and three technicians just to get me into a sitting position.

5) YOU’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING

Every horror and suspense movie out there relies on the “jump out and shock you” scene.  Studies show that it is exactly this adrenaline rush that makes these movies so popular and that the whole reason that studios keep churning out sequel after sequel of a one note film is that it can make you jump out of your seat.  Ask any horror buff why they love the films that they do and the answer will always lie in the “it was so intense” area, because quite frankly aside from some good one-liners or gratuitous nudity, these films just don’t have time for anything else.

Character Development or Gratuitous Nudity… We’re Not Really Sure

But the staple of all of these films is one of the most illogical of all suspensions of disbelief; that you’ll never be able to see the killer coming, even if they’re standing right next to you.  Time after time these films will put the victim in a dimly lit space and they will be shocked as hell when someone the size of Paul Bunyan moves out of the shadows. Want to know how I know this is bogus?  Next time you’re at the grocery store (lets be honest, the Walmart/Target “produce” section) just see how little time it takes you to notice that an annoying stranger is getting a little too close to your personal space.  “Wait just a minute,” you exclaim thinking you‘ve got me cornered, “but they’re not creeping along stealthily, trying to sneak up on me and hack me to pieces!” Well, some of them are, but that’s another article; but just to test your theory, go try it in a library where the first rule of business is to keep quiet for the sake of others.  Even better, be in an indoor office building when the lights go out and I guarantee that you’ll still sense the moment Billy the Intern is merging into your comfort zone without using his blinker.   And I’m not even mentioning the fact that 99% of all horror movie victims completely lack peripheral vision or any olfactory senses (damn, I just mentioned it).

But horror films aren’t the only ones perpetrating this fraud.  Many films are using this kind of editing to pull off sight gags or to make the protagonist look all that more badass.  In The Dark Knight Rises, when Batman gives Blake a bomb to throw at the rubble, it makes a paltry little bang and does nothing to achieve the goal of creating an opening. Just as Blake turns to him and makes a quip about needing something more powerful, Batman comes around the corner in The Bat (yeah, that’s what its called) and in midair blows the rubble sky high.  You’re telling me that Blake couldn’t hear a vehicle with two rotary propellers and a jet engine hovering system warming up while he was chucking his little bomb?

“Please ignore my hovering tank exhaust.”

Not with the power of editing, my friends.  A vehicle that was built specifically for urban warfare and riot control (it makes a crap-ton of noise) can be cleverly silent on film until its noise is needed thanks to the guys in the editing booth. The reason I’m so against this one fallacy is because with movies going to such great lengths to interject realism at every turn, and with every director that is giving a DVD interview expounding on how they painstakingly researched how a certain prop would interact with a certain environment, it seems to me a little ridiculous how willing everyone is to just say, “Yeah, he probably would have heard that thing from a good mile away, but we’ll fix it in post.”

For SpoilerAlert Podcast, thanks for stopping by. 

-Brandon